Dear Mr. President,
I am writing to you as a concerned citizen because you are supposed to be the guy we go to when we need help. I mean, if the United States was a big corporation you would be kind of like the HR guy; the CEO and the IT dude, all rolled into one, right?
Well here is the problem as I see it Mr. President – you don’t get it. I am not saying this to be rude or disrespectful, but I have to say it nonetheless. I understand that you are a busy guy, and maybe you need to take a minute to chill out and look at the big picture to gain some perspective. May I suggest viewing the film Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby? I think you would really enjoy it. It has a lot of American Flags, NASCAR and speeches in favor of America. And nothing is more American than NASCAR right? Anyway, It’s just a thought. It might help you get your mind off of all the wrong decisions you are making.
I would first like to address “THE WAR ON TERROR”. I get that you want to see an end to international terrorism and state sponsored terrorism and any other kind of terrorism. Who doesn’t? Terrorism is bad and it just plain sucks. The problem is that its going too keep on sucking. This type of, I’m – right – and – I’ll – kill – you – if – you- don’t – agree – with – me, type of thinking has been going on since the first century! People have been bombing and kidnapping and lynching and exploding people forever, and that’s a long time Mr. President. If the past is a predictor of the future, then terrorism will continue long after you are gone. Which isn’t too far off now is it? The point I am making here is this: Waging a war on terror is kind of like waging a war on ants. You can see the ants, but you can’t really tell where they are coming from. You can kill some of the ants with sprays and traps, but there will always be more ants next summer. No matter how much Raid you use against the ants Mr. President, they will keep coming in through the cracks in the tile.
My guess is that on your list of movies to see this summer, two in particular were not on the top ten. An Inconvenient Truth and Who Killed the Electric Car, am I right? I know that you are totally amped for Snakes on a Plane – because it’s snakes! ON A PLANE! Anyway, I kind of got the idea you didn’t want to see two movies that address something just as dangerous as the possibility of snakes on a plane. Global Warming. I know. I know. You have heard all of the liberal talk about Global Warming and are tired of it. But like I said before, I don’t think you really get it. Maybe it would help if you pictured it this way Mr. President: The Earth’s temperature is Al-Qaeda, okay? And Al-Qaeda has a plan to slowly demolish the entire planet within fifty years! Would it help if we pretend that the Earth is … just America? That’s right, it’s just us. Forget about everyone else. It shouldn’t be too difficult for you. So there we are – the Earth’s temperature is terrorizing America! Are you going to stand for that Mr. President? Are you going to just sit there and let the terrorist beat you? Hell no! You are a proud American and you don’t cow tow to terror! You have to get all Sam Jackson on Global Warming before it kicks your ass! Do you see now? The earth’s temperature (or terrorists) is getting way out of control! If we do not work together to stop it, the earth will no longer exist as it is today and we will die. Oh, and history will totally blame you for helping.
One last thing Mr. President. Would it be possible for you to please lighten up on the gays? Don’t they put up with enough crap as it is? Hate crimes. Beatings. Verbal slander. Stereotypes. And, an American favorite, good old unfounded prejudice. So would it be so bad if you just said, “Hey there lesbians and homosexuals! You know what? Go ahead and get married. Have a big old Martha Stewart wedding and dance till dawn. I give you my permission – which makes it legal baby! So have fun!” Would that be so difficult? I bet not Mr. President. There are numerous places in Europe that recognize same sex unions or partnerships or whatnot as legal with most, if not all, of the same rights as an opposite sex married couple. And heck, South Africa’s constitutional court just extended marriage to include gay couples. That’s right sir, South Africa. The country that was home to apartheid and first got the right to vote in 1994 is more tolerant than the United States of America is toward folks who love each other and just want to be married. Think about that for a moment if you will.
In closing Mr. President, I’d like to say that you still have a chance to make people see you in a different light. It is not to late for you to be a tolerant President and a wise President and a good man. Maybe, just maybe you could do something different and see what happens. For the first time you will think of peace as the answer rather than the death of millions of young men, women and children around the world. You will take a stand for the people of this country who have no voice of their own and really be the voice of the people – all of the people. I think it is time for you to step up and grow a pair Mr. President, and not worry about what you friends will think or that you will look dumb. You really couldn’t go any farther down that road at this point. So do it for me, and the other kids that used to really like this country. Make us believe again. Make me want to stand up and cheer for my President and my country rather than hang my head in shame. Picture it like the end of Rocky sir, and you are Rocky, the American flag wrapped around your shoulders and people cheering for you and loving you because you did the right thing…or beat up Mr. T. Whichever works for you.
Alicia K. Brooks