Goodbye

Sorry for the lack of communication, for all three of you who read this, but I was on vacation! It’s a funny thing to take a vacation the last week of working at your job huh? Oh well. The saying goes, absinth makes the heart – shit wait, absence makes the heart grow fonder. I knew it was one of those. Anyway, I know this to be true for people, but I don’t think it’s true for work. I had a week off, but when my alarm went off this morning at 6:00 a.m. I felt an underwhelming desire to go to work. Honestly, I remembered that my job is not worth rising before the sun, and in short:I hate waking up that early. I saw my blood shot, bleary eyes in the mirror and knew – KNEW! – that I had made the right decision. I can’t work jobs like this anymore. I can’t waste one more year of my life doing spread sheets and answering phones. So what if I will be incredibly poor for one month? I can handle it.

So an update: My last day of work is Friday August 25. Byron and I are packing up the Uhaul on Monday or Tuesday, so that puts me back in Los Angeles by this time next week. I have to tell you that I am utterly confused about where I live and where I am going right now. Half of my things are in boxes here in Oakland, the other half are in boxes in an apartment in the Los Feliz area of LA. I was at the movies last night and I remember where I was. I spent my week vacation in LA (gaining back all the weight I had lost) and then came straight back to Oakland. I am very confused. I feel a little homeless.

I’ll miss the Bay Area, and Oakland in particular. I’ll miss the Bay Bridge and the feel of cool air as I roll down my window crossing it. I’ll miss all my friends here and the after work Margaritas. I’ll miss BART and l’ll miss the Mission District, and having burritos there. I’ll miss Pride and Folsom Street Fair, and I’ll miss my annual Tranny trip to Reno! I’ll miss the totally ghetto ice cream truck that comes down my street and I’ll miss my neighbor Johnny’s little boy – baby Johnny. I will miss the best movie theaters and some damn good popcorn. I will miss my house and the five little fish in my fish pond.

But (sigh) time to move on.

I don’t know what I will miss about L.A. – except of course for my friends. But I won’t miss the constant chatter about “the industry” (either film or porn…). I won’t miss the heat or the $11 movie tickets. I just don’t feel like I fit in there anymore. I sometime feel a very negative energy when I am down south. I have become very aware of the energy around me. Maybe all the hippy stuff from Berkeley is rubbing off on me, but I am very attuned to the energy around me. If I feel a negative vibe someplace, or someone – I don’t go there. I guess that comes from growing up and trusting yourself. I remember a time when that didn’t matter to me. All that mattered was not missing out on something. Well, now I don’t want to waste my time on people or places that don’t make me feel good about myself. It’s cool feeling like I am in control for once.

So, I guess that’s all I have for the moment. I bought a digital camera and a new computer so my blog will start being pretty spiffy! I might even get a picture of myself up here! Something to look forward to…

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4 thoughts on “Goodbye

  1. hello! there are beautiful places and people and nature in LA. only it is a little grey maybe and a little tired of being gawked at or ignored or talked about or no.There is much truth in what you say and feel and it is generous of you to share it with strangers and friends alike. I just thought of a good put down if you need it, “Shut it,bitchmobile!” Catchy,huh?

  2. hello! there are beautiful places and people and nature in LA. only it is a little grey maybe and a little tired of being gawked at or ignored or talked about or no.There is much truth in what you say and feel and it is generous of you to share it with strangers and friends alike. I just thought of a good put down if you need it, “Shut it,bitchmobile!” Catchy,huh?

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