Screw you Randy Newman

Having a selective memory comes in handy sometimes. My childhood is much less trumatic when I edit out the beatings from my mother and the teasing of the neighborhood kids. Certain jobs apear more bearable when you just happen to forget that your boss was a jack ass or that you got fired. My marraige was wonderful as long as I choose to forget the last three years of it. And now that I am back in good old Los Angeles, I am quickly reminded of what I “forgot”.

Jesus Mother and Mary – it is fucking hot here! I was walking down the street asking god why she had foresaken me to this hell. Maybe this is why folks in L.A. have that attitude. It’s to hot to be nice to anyone. Seriously. I am used to heat, but with a side of sea breeze. The heat up north only lasts for a couple of days and then you are back to the nice Bay breeze in the sun. But here! I feel like I want to sit all day in a freezer.

I had also forgotten how incredibly blonde Los Angeles is. I don’t mean blonde as in stupid, I mean actually blonde. I saw a woman yesterday at a coffee shop with not one, not two, not even three my dear friends – but at least FIVE different colors of blonde in her hair! Had her shinny plastic nose and breasts not been completly distracting, I might have had a moment to make a snide comment under my breath. But alas, I was overcome by the sheer gleem off her chest.

How did Los Angeles get this way? I don’t remember it being so god aweful hot, and plastic and blonde. Was it always like this and I didn’t notice because I was here? Do you have to leave for an extended period of time before you see something for what it is?

And here’s the other thing. What’s up with all the little dogs? I know it started with Paris Hilton. Then Britney and Hillary did it. Now you can’t walk down the street without seeing some over bleeched blonde carrying a wee pup. I hate it. I really hate it. Are these women so needy and insecure? It’s like wearing a sign that says, “I don’t care about the dog. I just hold it like a security blanket, and LOOK AT ME! I’M HOT RIGHT?” Whatever. I am worried about the dogs. If this tiny pooch trend continues this way, we are bound to see an entire breed of dogs that just don’t know how to walk. These canine accessories are going to evolve one day, and you will see shiny blonde women carrying dogs that have – NO LEGS! I’m serious here. It could totally happen! These little dogs never have to walk so one day they will just cease having legs. Mark my words…Mark them!

Hollywood Blvd!
I love it!

Santa Monica Blvd!
I love it!

What ever Randy Newman. It’s a different word now. So take your Hollywood sign, your bums, tiny dogs, and hellish heat and love it. Me? I’m going to sit here and poke fun of it.

Screw you Randy Newman, Screw you.

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4 thoughts on “Screw you Randy Newman

  1. I despise Randy Newman for different reasons. I also dislike L.A. for a plethora of social abominations and television trends. But I hate Randy Newman more. Talented though he is, he ruined my life for a short time in my childhood. I was maybe nine or ten and that song was number one. I took it seriously. In the wonder and naivete of youth, it did not help that the neighborhood kid that I looked up to would sing it to me in such delight. Well, Randy, I want short people around here. Nuff said!

  2. I despise Randy Newman for different reasons. I also dislike L.A. for a plethora of social abominations and television trends. But I hate Randy Newman more. Talented though he is, he ruined my life for a short time in my childhood. I was maybe nine or ten and that song was number one. I took it seriously. In the wonder and naivete of youth, it did not help that the neighborhood kid that I looked up to would sing it to me in such delight. Well, Randy, I want short people around here. Nuff said!

  3. Stumbled across this via teh google. Hilariously stupid. Double points for not knowing the lyrics (nor the point of) the song you referenced. Do you hate Randy Newman for “keeping the niggers down” too?

  4. Stumbled across this via teh google. Hilariously stupid. Double points for not knowing the lyrics (nor the point of) the song you referenced. Do you hate Randy Newman for “keeping the niggers down” too?

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