An open letter to the President – Part Deux

Dear Mr. President,

Remember me? My name is Alicia. I I know it’s been a while, but I wrote to you about the importance of Snakes on a Plane, and other dangers facing the United States of America. Back in August? (It’s Called “An Open Letter to the President” read it…it’s funny!) In light of recent events, I thought it was time for me to write another letter.

No matter how much we all enjoy Tarantino movies, or watching some hot chick wield a weapon against a Zombie or mutant, I think we can all agree that actual non consensual violence is a bad thing…right? I mean right? The recent school shooting at Virginia Tech has a lot of people pretty upset. I guess we will never get used to people getting shot for no reason. At least not when it happens in our own country…when it happens someplace else it doesn’t seem to bug us as much. These are crazy times Mr. President, crazy times. But I am glad to see that you are keeping your sense of humor. I mean going on national television saying that you don’t understand the senseless violence going on in America, that’s funny sir! Perhaps Americans are just following your example? Allow me to elucidate…that means explain.

I think a lot of fine Americans are just a little detached and feel no social responsibility for the choices that are being made in the name of their country, the choices you and your homies make. I mean on one hand you are continually sending troops over-seas to get shot and killed, to shoot and kill others, and have been doing so for years. On the other hand, you seem shocked and out raged when some kid on American soil thinks the answer to all of his problems is to get some guns and start shooting a bunch of people. See what I mean? How come it’s all right for you to do it in the name of FREEDOM, but not ok for anyone else?

I also have to ask you about this new Supreme Court ruling concerning a woman’s right to abortion. I know, I know, it doesn’t “out-law” abortion. But come on sir…we all know you have been stacking the Supreme Court with your pals just for this very reason. I just don’t understand why it bothers you so much. It can’t be the argument that women who choose abortion are killing innocent victims. I think we just covered that, and we both know you are way more Pro – Death than Pro – Life. And that’s fine. I think that you should just admit it. Other famous leaders had no problems admitting the fact that they were killers – Hitler, Stalin, your dad. So that leaves us with: you hate women. Is that it? Were you made fun of by some girls in school and are taking your revenge on all women in the country? If that’s the case, then on behalf of all of us – I’m sorry. I’m sorry for calling you a monkey and for giving you a fake phone number in a bar. I’m sorry that your family’s money or your famous father didn’t impress me. I’m sorry that I didn’t laugh at your jokes. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Okay? All better? I think if you turn the tables a little you will understand better. What if a group of women you have never met, will never meet, and have nothing in common with one day decided what and where and how you could use your penis. What if this group of women made it illegal for you to use it…your penis. You wouldn’t like that very much sir. And that’s how we feel. We would all really appreciate it if you would please get your hands out of our collective womb.

So I guess what I’m trying to tell you Mr. President, is that sometimes you have to take responsibility for what happens in your world when you are the boss. It’s kind of like the Godfather. You saw that right? Remember when Sonny got shot and Don Corleone was so upset that he called a meeting of all the other Dons? He realized that he had to do something to stop the killing because he was in charge, and revenge was not the answer. He knew that killing his enemies would just result in more death. Maybe you should re-watch the Godfather this weekend. Not just because it’s a great film, but because you might learn something from it. I think you need to start thinking more like a Don and less like a Bush. Think about the repercussions that your actions cause. Think about the big picture. Think about the millions of American women your decisions are affecting. Think about the millions of people you send to their death in the name of a dumb war. Wouldn’t it be way cooler to be the Godfather and say, “No more. America will not participate in these games anymore. We call a truce with the world. Leave the gun. Take the cannoli. Blood is a big expense.”

Thanks for listening sir. I know it’s hard for you to read this much, but I really do appreciate it.

Still disenchanted,
Alicia K.


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