I have a boyfriend. I am not saying this to brag or to encourage questions about the lad. I am just stating a fact. We have a lot in common. We both like movies and books and talking about movies and books. We both enjoy a political debate and we both think that we are funnier than the other. But, he likes football and I (to put it mildly) do not. I like opera and he does not. We get along just fine without becoming each other. He likes his space and I like mine.
But, a strange thing happens to a woman when she gets a boyfriend. She changes. For some of us it is a short-term change that holds no real lasting effects. For others, it is a drastic change that seeps into every other part of her life. I like to think I belong to the former category. I mean, lets face it ladies, we all go through it. We meet a boy and want to be with him all the time. And we do…for about a month or so. For that month we shun all other life forms and responsibility because we “have met someone”. We see them every chance we get and think of them when they are not there. It is sweet, that first month. For most of us this feeling tapers off and we begin to reintegrate into society. For other women, they simply disappear. They are referred to henceforth as his name and her name: What are Brad and Alice doing tonight? Did you hear from Brad and Alice? They lose identity and become…the girlfriend.
These are the lost girls; the girls that used to be our friends until they “found someone”. This is about that best friend you used to have, the one you shared everything with until she met HIM. This is about the girl who used to be fun, but you never see her any more. You probably hate her right now but try not to. It is not her fault. This girl doesn’t even see what she is doing. At one point she probably made fun of another friend for becoming everything her boyfriend was. Ah yes. It is sometimes hardest to see what is in the mirror.
Remember that movie “Runaway Bride” with Julia Roberts? Yes, I know it was pretty bad, but that is beside the point. There is a scene in that film where Julia is at a diner and is asked what kind of eggs she likes. A simple enough question, right? Well, she can’t answer. It turns out that all of her life she has liked her eggs the way her boyfriend of the moment likes his eggs. Brad likes them scrambled? I like ‘em scrambled. Brad likes tofu salad? Me too! Brad hates Sushi? I hate Sushi. Brad is a Christian? I am too! Brad wants to move to Zimbabwe? I think that’s a great idea! It is sad to see a woman want affection so badly she can’t even remember her own likes and dislikes.
Most of us have gone through a lot of trouble in becoming the woman that we are today. I know I have been through many ups and downs, ins and outs, twists and turns in order to be the badass babe you see today. I went through phases and looked for myself all over the globe. I dated all sorts of men and even married one. I have changed a lot in the past 34 years. So, why is it that if we spend years trying to find ourselves, why do we get lost in our men?
And it is not like there is a shortage of men out there. The male of the species can be found just about everywhere. I saw some today at the grocery store, in line for the Metro and walking a dog. Seriously, men are everywhere. And, if there are so many men, then why is it that women will change themselves and abandon their girlfriends just to keep one? I mean a woman will change her appearance, her clothes, and her friends if she thinks it will keep a man. Oh, she won’t do this in a conscience way, but she will do it. And once that is done all she has succeeded in doing is alienating her friends and demeaning herself.
And ladies, lets think about it. Do men go through this? Hell no! There are countless songs, movies and books written about the pure and simple fact that men don’t change. They stay true to their friends and all of their annoying habits no matter how hard we try to break them of it. Do men leave their guy friends when they get a girl? Nope. Men stay true to themselves. They have a saying…Bros before hos. And all that means is you need your friends – the ones that were with you when you were single – and you always will. Women just don’t seem to understand that.
So ladies never cancel plans with your friends in order to do something with your man. Never say, “let me see what Brad is doing” before making plans with your friends. You need to stand firm. If you start canceling plans, you’ll quickly find that there’s never a good time to hang out with your own friends. If you still have any.
Oh, and I thought I’d tell you – I like my eggs scrambled, in the style of Huevos Rancheros or Cadbury. And I have no clue how my boyfriend likes them.