No, You’re Schmoopy!

We’ve all been there. You get into a relationship and it just sort of happens: The Pet Name. And don’t act all high and mighty, like you haven’t participated, because I will call you “dirty little liar pants”. It might be something as simple as Honey. Baby. Babe. Sugar. Love. Sweetie. Darling. – And that’s fine, they are still pet names, but they are all perfectly acceptable and fine to use in public. No one is going to want to puke if they hear you calling your husband “Baby”. No one will cringe when you open your mouth because they fear the word “BooBoo Bear” will come out. It might not embarrass you to say it, but it is embarrassing to have to listen to. We are embarrassed for you, and for poor “BooBooBear”.

The Seinfeld Episode (alluded to in this blog post title) pretty much captured the essence of what not to do. Remember? Jerry and his girlfriend decide it is SO CUTE to call each other “Schmoopy” all the time, and in front of their friends. Their friends were so annoyed by this that they talked about having an intervention. Instead, George and his girlfriend begin calling eachother little nicknames and start talking baby talk. The point comes across.

Which brings me to MY point. Ladies and gentlemen, please take heed and please take this totally personally. If this sounds like you, then it probably is. FOR GOD SAKE, PLEASE STOP REFERRING TO YOUR SPOUSE AS “THE HUBS”. PLEASE STOP CALLING YOUR WIFE “THE WIFE”. Aside from the above mentioned nick names, the rest annoy us – us being society at large. It’s not cute and it makes you sound pretentious. Your friends are to scared to tell you, but believe me they agree with me. Your spouse has a name – use it. It’s cool. If you feel the need to call your “Hubby” or “Hubs” or “The Wife” something other than their name, then keep it behind closed doors. Really. Sorry to have to be harsh, but – it is for your own good. Okay, your own good and ours.

Because “The Schmoopy Effect” is deadly, and only you can stop it.

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One thought on “No, You’re Schmoopy!

  1. Okay, I got one for ya. For shock value, instead of telling my wife “I Love You” in reciprocation, I once said “I Lust You” just to see if she’d catch what I said. I certainly meant what I said, I actually do lust after her quite frequently, but I was trying to introduce a new catchphrase into our daily banter just to mix things up. Well she certainly DID NOT take very kindly to my sentiments, and was quite appalled in the use of my “vulgarity”. So I ask, how would the phrase “I Lust You” affect your emotions if your significant other exclaimed this to you?

    Since then, we’ve NEVER used any form of nicknames or smothering lovey dovey talk, somehow I nipped it in the bud unintentionally, ha!

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