All You Ladies Who Truly Feel Me…

In just about every women’s magazine there is an article warning women against a certain type of man. This article is usually called something like – “Stay Away From THIS Guy!” or “10 Guys Your Mother Warned You About”. Not exactly witty or clever, but you get the point right off the bat. These lists usually contain generalized things like – Don’t date a guy who carries a teacup poodle, or – Watch out for the guy who says “bro” and plays XBox on the weekend. (Now, I happen to agree with the afore mentioned generalizations, but I am a big enough gal to KNOW they are generalizations.) But the one thing that all of these articles have in common is this little tidbit that has been passed on from our mothers: DON’T DATE A JOBLESS GUY.

In my experience an adult man who does not have a job GENERALLY falls into one of three categories. 1. The Mama’s Boy. This guy still lives at home with mom (and/or) Dad and mom still washes his clothes. He probably has a hobby that is highly artistic and thinks that going to work everyday would stifle his freedom. He is single. 2. The “looker” this guy seems to always be saying, “I have an interview with a great company tomorrow.” But he never seems to actually go to work. If he works, it isn’t for very long because he really doesn’t want to work. His girlfriend pays for everything. 3. The Slacker. The slacker feels entitled and therefore – work is for losers. Why work? Food? That’s what ramen is for. He crashes on couches and house sits.

None of these things are sexy, but, it got me thinking… Do men have the same standard? Would a man automatically discount a babe because she was unemployed?

I don’t think so. I have known more than a few men who had girlfriends that didn’t work. It didn’t seem to bother them. Maybe men are more evolved than women and can look past a woman who is lazy and…no…I am writing it and I don’t buy it.

I think it has to do with men feeling the need to “take care of” a woman. And, unfortunately there a plenty of women out there who make it their business (their JOB!) to take advantage of that fact. It’s common knowledge that most men enjoy the provider role – it feeds into the male ego (and not in a bad way) and makes them feel “more like a man”. Women who have held high paying jobs have often complained that they can’t find a boyfriend because most men want to be the one who earns the most – they want to be the provider. And, there is nothing wrong with that. But, does that make it alright for us women to not work? Is a woman who is unemployed as attractive a a working woman? I really don’t know and I’d like to. I know that an unemployed man is WAY less attractive to a woman than a guy with a job. Why?

I’ll tell you why. Because we women don’t want to be taken advantage of. We don’t want the male version of those stupid girls in our lives – sucking away at our pay checks. We want to be able to pay our own way, and we want him to be able to do the same. Personally speaking – I have never dated a guy with a lot of money. Money really doesn’t matter to me at all. I like to try to go 50/50 when it comes to dating. Ok… maybe I like to go 60/40, but still. I try to hold my own. It’s the fact that he is WORKING and doing something other than sitting around drinking beer.

So, why the double standard? Why would a man happily make excuses for a woman not working (She’s just looking for the right opportunity… She’s thinking about going back to school… She’s really looking for something creative…) and pay her way? I honestly don’t know. It’s not 1952 anymore and men don’t have to literally bring home the bacon. I just know that a woman wouldn’t do that. Not in most circumstances. Sure, there are exceptions, but not many. I think if a girl lived in her mothers basement, most guys would be ok with that. And I don’t know why.

So? Guy, I need your help. Give it to me straight: Does it matter to you if she works? And, Why or why not? And ladies…do you think we are being a little harsh with our standards or are we not harsh enough?

For me, having a job and being a fully functional member of society is the very least a person (male or female) can do. Those of you who are doing laundry at mom’s and mootching off your friends need a wake up call. Those of you who are looking to score a free ride from a Sugar Daddy, I got news for you too. THERE IS NO FREE RIDE. You are not doing yourself (or your boyfriend) any favors by letting him pay for you. I guess the point is, we ladies worked many many many many years to become independant – and we want a man who can not only appreciate that, but is just as independent as we are.

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4 thoughts on “All You Ladies Who Truly Feel Me…

  1. If I actually made enough money to support more than myself, I could see myself supporting a woman who didn't have a job, as long as she was productive and working towards something that I also really believed in, in the arts or charity or something. Of course, re:the arts, I'd definitely have to really believe in her talent, and she couldn't just dick around all day if she was on my dime, she'd have to have some kind of plan and make some efforts to be "successful" in her field. Even if that meant that she'd spend all her time working on her art and I'd have to start a record label to put out her albums or contact art galleries to get her into exhibitions, I'd do it as long as I really believed in her stuff. But I'm broke and always have been, so it's a moot point.

    • I concur with Kyle for the most part, however I also want to make it clear that I have absolutely no objection if my spouse earned a higher income than me. The more earned income in the household, the better!

      Things certainly change once kids enter the picture, since men typically earn higher salaries than women (this trend is soon changing!), it makes more sense for the wife to either quit her job, or scale back her hours to part time in order to care for the kids needs. It is also perfectly acceptable for the man to quit his job and care for the kids as portrayed in the movie “Mr Mom”, and more recently on the TV show “Desperate Housewives” in a reversal of roles if it monetarily makes more sense .

      I would have no interest in a woman no matter how beautiful she was if I did not see any “marriage quality” in her. That’s not to say that she couldn’t satisfy my needs for “Mrs. Right Now” as opposed to “Mrs. Right” which is likely why so many folks have popularized the concept of “One night stands”.

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