Last week, I read a small article that has do do with one of my pet peeves: COUPLES WHO SAY – “WE”. The article states that couples who use “we” rather than “I” are happier. I read further and found out it was talking about married couples who refer to shared property – not couples who are giving a personal opinion – which is the thing this irks me. I posted a comment about it on Facebook and it seemed to get a few people a little more than defensive. I simply stated that I find it irritating when couples constantly (and consistently) use the term “WE” when asked a direct question. For example:
Person 1 – “Hey man. What are you doing tonight?”
Person 2 – “I don’t know. I think we are going to the movies. We haven’t decided yet.”
Now. This may seem like a very normal exchange, but lets look at it closely, shall we? Person 1 asks person 2 a direct question about themselves. Person 2 in turn, answers that for himself, he has NO IDEA until he checks with his partner. What the fuck! It is conversations like these that lead me to drink. Person 2 has many options when answering that simple question: I want to go to the movies. I am thinking about dinner with my girlfriend or maybe a movie. I don’t know, I want to hang out with Mary, but she might have other plans. – There are many options that make person 2 sound more like a person and less like a pussy.
Why does this bother me so much? Well, I’ll tell ya – I have given it a lot of thought – and it comes down to what being IN a relationship really means. Hollywood seems to have convinced us that we need someone else to be a whole person. We all remember that amazing speech in Jerry McQuire where Tom Cruise melts the hearts of a room full of sad single women by telling Renee “You complete me” And it was a sweet moment in the film. But in real life, is that what we really want? To feel incomplete until another person comes along and fills the hole? I for one don’t want a partner that is “incomplete”. I want a man who knows who he is – with or with out me. I want a partner who finds my presence in his life a bonus, not a necessity. I want to be the yummy icing on top of an already made cake… if you get my drift.
And thats my problem with the “You complete me”, WE mentality. When a couple “WE’s” all the time they lose the “I”, and I think that is a pretty important thing to keep track of. I know some couples that have taken it so far that I find myself no longer asking – “What are YOU doing tonight”, but rather “What are YOU GUYS doing tonight?”. They are now a unit and have no singular thoughts. And yes, I do find something wrong with that. I find it gross in weddings when people read mushy things that say, “Two hearts become one”. Can’t people retain their individuality and still be in love? Does everything have to be – WE?
I think we have to start looking inward in order to find peace and happiness when in a relationship. I think we have to think about completing ourselves and not looking outside for what we need. I think we have to remember that our partner is not an extension of us – but a WHOLE separate person – A person who has their own beliefs, likes and dislikes. I think romantic partnerships are so that we have a witness to the life we lead, someone who can support you and your dreams, even if they don’t agree with them.
So, if we are going to go with heart melting movie quotes, then I vote for this gem – spoken by Jack Nicholson in “As Good as it Gets” This is what love is really about.