Bored to… DEATH! of Vampires

I hate True Blood. The acting is atrocious, the story lines are ridiculous and there is not one original idea in the whole show. Let’s see… where oh where have I seen a show about a blond hottie (with super powers) that falls in love with a dark brooding Vampire? Throw in some werewolves and witches and you got yourself a show that is a lot like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The main difference is that Buffy had a sense of humor, good scripts and was just plain cooler. True Blood is awful. And I watch it every week. What is wrong with me?

I enjoy Vampires as much as the next guy, but somewhere between Nosferatu and those sparkling dorks from Twilight, something has been lost in the translation. Vampires are dead. They drink blood for sustenance. How is this sexy? When did it become sexy? I know Anne Rice fancies herself the expert on all things Vampiric and Gothic, but I don’t think she really has it all down. And I for one found those Lestat books dull. She is a horrible writer. But that is beside the point. The point is that a dead person rising up from the grave to drink the blood of a living creature is kind of gross.
I watched an awesome Vampire movie the other night called – Let the Right One In. It’s a Swedish film which means that some American film company is in the process of remaking it as we speak. But go watch this movie. I think it gets to the core, the throbbing jugular if you will, of what it means to be a vampire. And what it means is a lonely life that is full of murder. It means never seeing the sun. It means looking all gross and pale and smelling (literally) like death when you haven’t eaten. Its a disgusting life and this movie got that.
I am tired of sexy vampires having sexy vampire sex. Spike and Buffy had rough sex. When Buffy lost her virginity to Angel he turned all mean and was an asshole to her. (Not unlike regular life at all!) You had Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise running around with long hair, fangs and open ruffled shirts. And now we have these weird fucking Vampires that can go in the sun if they live in the right climate, again chasing after human girls and looking deeply into their souls. Give me a break.

True Blood seems to have taken the fascination with vampires and is milking it on every teat. They take EVERY opportunity to show naked people doing it in copious amounts of blood. They had a scene where the main vampire dude had some pretty heated hate sex with a vampire ex and twisted her head completely around as she multiple orgasmed. We saw the hot blond vampire have some hot naked gay sex. We have seen people chained up, beaten and even some sweet vampire lovin. Yawn.

I hope this fad of sexy vampires comes to an end and we can get back to the awesome, horrible killing machines that they are supposed to be. I want to see some gnarled, disfigured, disgusting creatures go after a cute little human. I want to see Count Orlock fall in love with a little blond spitfire and see what happens. Now THAT show I would watch.


2 thoughts on “Bored to… DEATH! of Vampires

  1. Whoa! Alicat!What happened to the format? Ya can't read stuff trough the sidebar, and the verbiage stretches A WEE BIT TO THE RIGHT! (just a little more than normal!) Luv the RS cover graphic's! To date I've read all the Sookie novels Harrison has released, and YES I have a few bones to pick with the series on HBO. I thought that the best of the genre was Tanya Huff's Moonlight TV show.. but that never really caught on with the audience.. shame as it had possibilities..Anyhoo, am you correct the format? ThanksDan in NC

  2. The vampire craze has left me cold. Everywhere I look, another pair of fangs or bloody lips. They have to take the vampire schtick into every genre: cop vampires, sexy vampires, teen vampires. There's even a shopaholic vampire book series! Ugh! There's only one way to stop it: one by one all of you watching these awful shows have to turn them off. Go to another channel, go take a walk, check your email, write a blog post. Get over it!

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