DIVORCE

I, like many other folks these days, read the Huffington Post. I enjoy the wide variety of “news” I can get on that site, as well as the wide variety of useless lists. I can’t tell you how many times I have been brain-dead at work and the only thing that saved me was one of those lists. For example, today I found one called “The Most WTF Portraits of politicians Ever. It didn’t disappoint.

But today I found a disturbing new tab in the good ol’ HuffPo. This tab was called “Divorce”. Now you can go to the HuffPo for all of you burning questions about politics, entertainment, world news and – divorce? I don’t get it. I feel confident expressing my opinion on this subject because I have been married AND divorced. I know that some of you out there are of the belief that an opinion doesn’t count unless you have experienced (personally) what you are talking about. I think that is bull shit, but in this case I have the personal experience to back up my big mouth.

America seems a bit hypocritical when it comes to marriage and divorce. One the one hand we raise our children (girls especially) to want to grow up and get married. Choosing a wedding dress often takes more time and effort than choosing a husband. The wedding is often more important than the marriage. We are a culture who shuns the single woman and praises the bride to be. We revere a married mother, but feel sadness for the single mom. We want you married whether you are happy or not. Divorce makes us uncomfortable.

I didn’t know this fact until I got divorced myself. I thought to myself, “Golly! Everyone should be so happy for me now. I am finally free of a bad situation.” Wrong. I got head tilted to the side looks, and a whole lot of sighs. People felt sorry for me! I couldn’t believe it. Here I was doing something positive and proactive and all people could think was “how sad”. And here is the truth of the matter. For all of the importance we Americans put on being married, I know very few happily married couples. I know a lot of people who just don’t have the balls to get divorced even though it is obvious they should. And, I will say it is a little different here in the Czech Republic. Most couples here have a “friend” outside of their husband or wife. Cheating is pretty common here and fairly well tolerated. There is a really high divorce rate here as well, but I think that has a lot to do with folks getting married so young over here.  But I digress.

But now the HuffPo wants to address divorce differently, and better. Hmm. Maybe a little too late there, Huffpo. Why don’t we address MARRIAGE differently and better? Maybe if we didn’t look at a while veil as some sort of finish line we wouldn’t have such a huge problem with divorce. Maybe if we ladies thought a little less about getting married and a little more about making ourselves happy we wouldn’t make poor decisions. And that goes for you men folk as well. I have seen many a man take a bride simply because all of his friends did it and he didn’t want to be the last (single) man standing. That is weak.

I guess the fact that divorce has become so common reflects on the fact that marriage has become so easy. In the age of TiVo and people having the attention span of a two year old, I guess I can see how divorce needs a tab in the HuffPo. I find it ironic that Marriage does not.

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One thought on “DIVORCE

  1. Very good article; after being married for 15+ years I’ve come to learn that marriage is ONLY necessary to raise a family. If you don’t have children, or don’t plan to have any children, then marriage is a waste of time and energy.

    Before a couple is allowed to marry, they should be required to take an evaluation course to help determine if they qualify to get married to each other. Obviously they will ultimately get to decide if they still want to marry each other after the course, but the concept is to raise common issues to each participant so that they are fully aware of what they are getting themselves into before they tie the knot. There were MANY things that I assumed going into the marriage that changed not long after we got back from our honeymoon. That said most folks change over time anyway and the person you married typically isn’t the same person you married X years earlier. Each person must be willing to be flexible and allow the marriage to evolve in order to keep the marriage a success. Nothing is automatic, and nothing is easy!

    Marriage is all about compromise, it’s when both partners are no longer willing to compromise that divorce becomes imminent.

    The issues with monogamy are a whole other concept beyond the limitation of marriage. Folks need to respect their partners needs whether they are married or not and realize that relationships are a two-way street. It’s not about “me” and “my needs” but rather about “them” and what can I do to make “them” happier. When one person is feeling neglected, then it is only natural for them to look elsewhere to get the attention they are so craving, even if it may risk ending their relationship and/or marriage. It goes back to the key success in ANY relationship… communication; simply identify your needs with your partner and make sure both sides can be accommodated accordingly, otherwise one partner will more than likely look elsewhere to have these needs fulfilled.

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