Superhero

This is me as I see myself daily.

I am a superhero, and I have the scars to prove it. I have no qualms about sharing this information with you because unlike Spiderman or Iron Man, I don’t harbor a secret identity. I was just born with certain abilities that make me way more of a bad ass than your average Joe.

I guess I should clarify a few things. First, I don’t have actual “super powers”. I was not born “The chosen one” and I don’t have super strength. I cannot leap tall buildings in a single bound, nor can I fly or shoot bursts of telekinetic energy from any part of my body. I am not a descendant of an Amazon tribe of warrior babes (obviously), and I was not jettisoned to earth in order to ensure my survival. I am more like Batgirl or Batman – I can do cool shit.

My origins are fuzzy. Many think that like Elektra, I come from Greek decent. Others think that like Batwoman – I am jewish. I’ll take them all. I am adopted and I kind of enjoy the ambiguity surrounding my past. It allows me to believe things about myself that other people just don’t have the luxury to do. For instance I happen to believe that I am the illegitimate and unclaimed daughter of a Chinese Queen, thus making me a Chinese Princess. (This is true by the way. I thought it up when I was a little kid. The story goes that my mom – the Queen – had an illicit affair with a white dude and was forced to give me up or die. So… that’s how I ended up in Sunny California.)

I have been honing my powers since birth.This is My BADASS hero alter ego. For starters, I have absolute cat-like vision in the dark. It’s great because my flat is super dark all the time and I never trip. My voice (both singing and non singing) can bring a room full of people to a complete halt. This came in handy recently when a couple of guys attacked me on the street. I have no doubt that it was my voice that saved my from further harm. Every time I see the scars on my chest and knees I thank god for that powerful voice of mine. And then there is my stature. As a tiny person, people tend to underestimate me. At 4’11 its an easy thing to do. But the cool thing about me is that I often times appear taller! Half the time I strut about Prague as if I am 6’7. I have a confidence so powerful that sometimes it boosts me up like a phone book does for me when I drive.

I have some other powers, but if I told you about them I’d have to elaborately kidnap you and hold you for ransom. And believe me, there would be a pit of alligators involved at some point. But whether my powers are hidden secrets that only a select few know of, or they are common knowledge, they are still Super Powers. There is nothing at all un-super about me. And I pity the fool who tries to tell me different.

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