I won’t kick you out of bed for eating crackers but…

We’ve all heard the adage. It states that the person in question is so good-looking that they are allowed the horrible crime of eating crackers in bed, and thusly leaving crumbs. I guess ugly people are relegated to eating their crackers over a dish in the kitchen while the hotties of the world rejoice in the freedom of the bed/cracker loop-hole. Personally I have never eaten crackers in bed (mine or anyone else’s) because I don’t want to sleep in crumbs and its kind of a jacked up thing to do in someone else’s bed. 

But it got me thinking… what would I kick a guy out of bed over? 

The statement says “kick out of bed” which means that you already have the guy (or gal) back at your place and ready for some action. What would he have to do that is so bad that you tell him to get out of bed and leave? At first I thought things like, “Any guy who doesn’t read is out.” But honestly if a dude slipped through my rigorous 17 point screening process, managed to get back home with me, and get naked before I found out that he thinks of books as paper weights – then I guess the joke is on me and he can stay. ONCE. But that doesn’t really get to the heart of the question.

If I had Brad Pitt (or some other super hot man) in my bed and he started eating crackers, I wouldn’t say a damned thing. If he farted? Yep, he could stay. Burp? Sure, why not? Called another woman? Ahhh… now we’re talking.

I think my line is a pretty simple one. RESPECT. I would have no qualms about kicking a guy out of my bed (or my life for that matter) who didn’t respect me. You might be the best looking guy in the world, but if you call another woman in front of me you are out on your ass. That goes for personal insults too. I don’t mind if someone disagrees with my taste in books or music, but if a fella starts making rude comments about my body or personality while in various stages of undress, well, his butt is gone.

And I’m keeping the crackers. He probably wouldn’t have shared anyway. 

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3 thoughts on “I won’t kick you out of bed for eating crackers but…

  1. It’s funny you chose a picture of graham crackers. Would you really nudge someone out if they had enough of THOSE to share? Of course a saltine or Ritz would necessitate a kicking to the couch, but a graham cracker!? That’s a party in my book.

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