I am a fairly smart and well-rounded woman. I have read a wide variety of books. I know a little about classical music and art, and I can hold my own in conversations about current events and politics. I can choose wine at dinner, and I am quite clever and witty if I do say so myself. But, even though I am pretty darned awesome, there are just some things I don’t understand.
- Czech customer service – The best example of an oxymoron I could ever come up with is “Czech customer service”. I honest to goodness don’t understand the mentality of business owners and the people they hire to represent them here in the CZ. I have been yelled at, ignored, asked to leave and come back with correct change and laughed at all while trying to spend money in a Czech establishment. I am trying to spend money in YOUR store and you decide it is a good idea to make me feel small? No, it’s not. Communism is gone and has been gone for twenty plus years – move on. I have a choice where I spend my money and I don’t have to put up with your piss poor attitude. You get to sit all day while you ring up people – why are you so unhappy? Why do you have to make other people unhappy? I am putting Prague on notice: You are a tourist city which means you are international, which in turn means that you have to start being…. NICE.
- The moms (and dads) on ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’ – Okay, first of all I have no shame in sharing with all of you that I adore this show. Do I agree with any of what goes on at pageants? No. Do I enjoy the fact that TLC is shining a light on the wretched excuse for parenting that seems to be the norm in those middle states? Yes. What I don’t understand is why these women (and some men) agree to go on the show. Have they ever watched it? Don’t they know they will come off looking like crazy, obsessed, sad, people who live vicariously through their three-year old? If I were going to live vicariously through someone, I wouldn’t pick someone who needed help eating, threw tantrums, couldn’t speak in complete sentences and falls down when they walk. But that’s just me. What are we teaching our girls when we tell them their looks are the most important things about them and that making kissy faces and flirting with people gets you money? (Watch this!
- Women who “dress up” to work out – If you have ever worked out in a gym, then you have seen these women. They are usually in a very well-coordinated outfit, wearing gobs of lip gloss and mascarra and most likely don’t exercise very much. You might mistake them for drag queens. I don’t get it. Why would you spend money on a gym membership just to chat with your friends? Why would you work out in make-up? Gross! Can you imagine what their skin is like under all that crap and sweat? I go to the gym to work and I usually do just that. I couldn’t do what I need to do if I was wearing enough make-up to cover twelve hookers and sixteen college co-eds. I usually wear some old sweats and a t-shirt with Gizmo on it. Like I said, I just don’t get it.
- People who don’t read books – Unfortunately, I know a few people who not only claim this, but claim it with pride. As if being an idiot is something to be proud of. I don’t understand why someone wouldn’t read books, and then why they would go around telling people that! If you are only reading Reddit and People Magazine then you are destined to be a schmuck. Books (both fiction and non fiction) not only jump-start your imagination, but also improve your vocabulary, expose you to new ideas, and actually force you to sit still and practise concentrating on something for longer than three seconds. That’s right I am talking about your tiny attention span. Pick up a book and save your soul.
- Scented toilet paper – Why? WHY? WHY do we need our asses to smell like chamomile? I really don’t understand this. Sure “down there” can get stinky, but I think any normal person can manage just fine without the help of a “linen fresh” asshole. C’mon people! Is this something we really need? Or even want? Who buys this stuff anyway? Oh, wait… I do. What some of you may not know about the city of spires is that you have very little choice when it comes to TP. You can either have unscented, 2 ply TP that looks and feels just like cardboard, or you can have 3 or 4 ply TP that smells like the first rain of the season, strawberries or whatever scent “blue” is. I like my ass so I go with the stupid scented even though I know it’s bad for me.