I have been calling Sam Jackson “Old Yeller” for years. I defy you to find a film in which he doesn’t start yelling at someone or something. We all remember his impassioned speech in “Pulp Fiction” where he embodies a murderous, pig hating, religious zealot. Who could forget Mr. Jackson screaming at those poor reptiles that just wanted to take a little trip? The man has a way with obscenities, of that there is no doubt. I particularly enjoyed him as the shady, womanizer P.I. Mitch in “The Long Kiss Goodnight”. He pretty much screams throughout that entire film and it’s awesome. The man found a niche and it works for him. But, I think he could do better. Here is a short list of things I’d like to see Samuel L. Jackson yell at.
- Any (or all) employees of the Czech Foreign Police, Albert Super Markets or Czech Post Office – I would absolutely LOVE to see him wait in line for three hours at the FoPo and then watch one of those miserable old women tell him “Ne”. I’d just LOVE to see him at the Czech Post office when one of those sorry excuses for public employees tells him he spelled his own name wrong. He would strike down upon them with GREAT and very DESERVED vengeance and terror. Yelling ensues.
- Newt Gingrich – Wouldn’t this be fantastic? I can see it now… Old Yeller stands up at a debate and dares the old racist to please speak up when he tells black people to start earning pay checks. The crowd is stunned into silence as old man Gingrich looks around for help. Mr. Jackson asks him if he is aware that white people are the largest percentage of welfare/food stamp users… Yelling ensues.
- Kids – I think we have all heard Mr. Jackson’s stirring rendition of “Go the Fuck to Sleep” on the YouTube. But I think he can go further with it. I’d like to see him in a “Kindergarten Cop” situation, where he has to deal with 42 kids all at once. And boy oh boy, does yelling ensue.
- The Ladies of ‘The View’ – In particular Elizabeth Hasselbeck & Sherri Shepherd. Man oh man do those ladies need a verbal bitch slap. I could give you a list of reasons, but if you have ever seen the show you already know of the crimes against common sense that these ladies perpetrate every fucking day. I’d like to see Sam Jackson walk on as a guest and then… yelling ensues.
- The producers, director and basically anyone involved with the film “Sucker Punch” – This movie was so terrible, so totally and completely bad that it single handedly brought the women’s movement and film making down about 300 levels. Not only did this movie not make any sense and jump around space and time, it was stupid. I think we should take all people involved with it, stick them in a room with Sam J and let him go for about an hour. If anyone walks out crying, we’ll know he did his job.