Mi vagina, su vagina

The House Oversight Committee held a hearing the other day. They gathered to talk about that pesky Obama and his silly concept of requiring employers and insurers to provide contraception coverage to their employees. They said it isn’t about reproductive rights, but rather about religion… or conscience… or something like that. It didn’t really make sense. But what did I expect from a panel made up completely of men discussing women’s bodies? That’s right, the panel deciding on whether or not contraceptives are covered did not include even one woman.

And why should it? I mean its men who really have to deal with the aftermath of using no contraception. First off, condoms are for losers. Why would you want to protect yourself and your partner against pregnancy and STD’s? If you have known somebody for a month or a few weeks it’s okay to just trust what they tell you. And every man knows that all women are secretly on the pill, can’t get pregnant, and that YOU are the only and first person that she is having unprotected sex with.

Men are also aware that women can’t decide things for themselves, not important things like how to look after and care for themselves. I mean, this is the 17th Century  21st  century people! A woman needs to be told what to do at all times. If she disagrees then we need to put her in her place. And everybody knows that fertilized eggs and dogs should have more rights than your mother, your wife or your daughter.

Darrell Issa is right – women are “unqualified” to talk about reproductive rights for women. The men folk can handle that just fine, thank you very much. Because you see, this isn’t about WOMEN, this is about religion. The fact that including contraception in healthcare would save families, single men and women tons of money in the long run doesn’t matter. The fact that this may save some women’s lives doesn’t matter either. What matters here is Jesus. The fact that you may not believe in him doesn’t matter either. He’s just the guy holding the door open for the rest of the frat house.

I hope this sets a precedence. From now on a panel of five ignorant Dickheads should decide everything for you, me and everyone else in America. Want a new car? Well, better ask the Dickheads first. That new car might not be a Christian. Thinking about building a treehouse in the back yard? Don’t forget to ask the Dickheads. They may not have conclusively decided on the rights of trees yet. Want a new dress? The Dickheads think it makes you look slutty and do not approve.

So Dickheads, you win. Men and women everywhere can no go and have unprotected sex because you think its a better idea than contraception. We can teach our youth to always use a condom… except for those times when a Congressional Committee tells you not to.

 

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