10 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy

A friend of mine posted a link to FaceBook for an article called “15 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy”. I clicked on it and found one of those fluffy, hippy dippy  lists that included things like ‘Give up your need to always be right’,  ‘Give up your need to impress others’, ‘Give up your resistance to change’. Ugh. The solution to all of those issues is simple – move to a new country and stay there. Want to feel a loss of control? Just try to get a Visa in a foreign country. As for the need to impress others, I have never understood that. People should feel the need to impress me, not the other way around. I am THAT awesome.  Anyway, that list was lame and totally unhelpful. But it did inspire me to make my own list of things you should give up in order to have a happier life. I only have 10 because lists of 10 are better than lists of 15.

  1. Give up your job – Wouldn’t more time in your day be great? Wouldn’t waking up every morning naturally be fantastic? I would love to have time to workout when I wanted, take a walk to the Farmer’s Market and buy some fresh veggies and then maybe read for a while before cooking a beautiful dinner. I am sure not working at my stupid job would make me happier. That’s why I sent in my notice.
  2. Give up watching the news – I honestly can’t believe there is still network news. It’s full of silly stories designed to scare you, or full of blatant lies. (FOX News, I’m talking to you.) If you really want to be happy, turn off the news and just watch The Daily Show. You’ll still get news, but it will be entertaining, funny and have actual facts involved.
  3. Give up your cable TV – Why do people still pay for this service? Everything you need is online now from television to movies. Cancel your cable, save some money and feel the happy flow over you.
  4. speaking of TV… Give up watching True Blood – It’s bloody awful. No pun intended. I can think of dozens of things more worth your time than that crappy show. Maybe read a book or get a root canal? Both of those things would make you happier than watching bad actors recite bad dialogue in really bad costumes.
  5. Give up Crocs – First off, let me state the obvious – Crocs are ugly. They are the shoe equivalent of a moomoo. Why not just put on a house coat, put your hair up in sponge curlers and finish the look? I don’t care if they are comfortable. Wearing Crocs tells the world “I have given up on myself”.
  6. Give up knowing people who use the word “bro” while wearing khakis & a button-up – These people are trouble. “Bros” don’t make anyone happier, they make people miserable. These guys are a Bud Light away from starting a fight at any given time. If you know anyone that fits this description terminate relationship ASAP. If you are married to, or dating one of them  – you have bigger issues.
  7. Give up shopping at major chain grocery stores – Big grocery stores are full of processed food containing high fructose corn syrup. And that shit is bad for you. Really bad. If you get your beef or chicken from there you are probably eating about 100 different cows all mashed up together and soaked in bleach, and chickens that have been fed antibiotics, other chickens and poop. Gross. If you want to be happy, be healthy. Take the time to find a Farmer’s Market that sells local fruits and veggies or plant a garden. A healthy you is a happy you.
  8. Give up trying to be perfect – This one should be easy. You are not perfect. – nobody is.  There is no such thing as a perfect body, or perfect hair, or a perfect man or even a perfect outfit. Perfection is an illusion, so give it up. You’ll feel happier when you realize how badass you are. 
  9. Give up smoking – Seriously. It’s gross and super bad for you, and so totally over and passé. Nobody smokes anymore. Unless of course you happen to be in Europe. Then everybody and their grandmother still smokes. But, it’s also the equivalent of 1983 in some parts of Europe, so I guess its ok.
  10. Give up making excuses – If there is one thing that I have learned from watching ‘The Biggest Loser’ its that excuses are for losers. You can do whatever you put your tiny little mind to. You are not fat because of stress in your life, or you don’t have time, or the kids make you so darned tired – you are fat because you eat too much and you don’t exercise. The reason you haven’t had that talk with your boss or your wife is because you are scared, not because you are just “waiting for the right moment.” The right moment is always now. Stop whining and just get ‘er done. 

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