6 Things I have Always Wanted to Do

“I’ve always wanted to do that!” We’ve all said it at one time or another. It is pretty much the biggest cliché out there. It’s what you say when yearning and opportunity never seem to cross paths. Or perhaps you say it about something that you probably shouldn’t do. I think  that’s why action/adventure movies are so popular – we get to live vicariously through Indiana Jones or Han Solo or anybody else that Harrison Ford plays. Most of us will never get the chance to be badass in real life so we have to settle for the movies or day dreams at work. Personally I plan on becoming super mega wealthy and famous and then hiring actors to help me reenact these fantasies.

  1. Brandish a broken bottle while screaming “WHO WANTS SOME!” – If you do this in real life you are on the fast train to Crazy Town, I get it. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to take a beer bottle, break it over my own head and start freaking out in a dimly lit bar.
  2. Quit an office job by way of an empowering speech written by Cameron Crowe – I hate corporate America with a burning passion of a thousand suns. And that’s putting it mildly. Even the office jobs I have kind of enjoyed I hated. It is a dream of mine to pull a Jerry Maguire and just leave. Or better yet…
  3. Make an entrance in a ball gown from atop some really long stairs ala Audrey Hepburn or Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest – I have always wanted to make a grand entrance, the kind where the entire room takes an audible breath – a literal GASP – when I appear at the top of the stairs in a gown woven from angel wings, pixie dust and the day dreams of kittens.
  4. Say “We’ve got company” while driving busy streets – I have always wanted to participate in a crazy street chase. In fact, I sometimes pretend I am Jason Bourne when I take the metro. I pretend that bad guys are chasing me and I have to switch cars without being seen. But I want to take it to the next level. I want to have a car chase, and I want to have “company”.
  5. Yell out “Helloooo Cleveland! Are you ready to ROCK?” on a huge stage at the beginning of a badass rock concert  I don’t know why it has to be Cleveland, but it does. Maybe it’s because of the sheer awesomeness of Spinal Tap. Or maybe it’s because saying “Helloooo Los Angeles! just doesn’t have the same feel to it. But the crowd must go wild. And preferably be dressed for a Bon Jovi concert circa 1989. I wanna see big hair, faded jeans and so many lighters that the place glows.
  6. Roll around in a pile of money that I got through morally nefarious meansIt just looks like so much fun! And the money doesn’t even have to be mine, I just need to borrow it for about an hour. Oh, and I’d like to do it while wearing sexy lingerie or my birthday suit while listening to “Money Money Money” by ABBA.
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