So I was at the gym yesterday, running to nowhere as usual, when I was surprised by one all time favorite songs. I had my ancient ipod on shuffle, so it could have been 1 of about 4,675 songs. I had all but forgotten about it because it wasn’t on my usual workout playlist. I guess I should share with you the fact that I tend to sing along when I am listening to music just about anywhere I am. I have to consciously think about NOT singing when I am in public. Anyway, the song that came on was…
- “Pussy Control” by Prince – I love Prince, and the nastier the better. But getting caught singing this little ditty out loud someplace could land you in a heap of uncomfortable situations. I mean, the song starts out saying “Good morning ladies and gentlemen, boys and motherfucking girls…” and goes on from there. Let’s just say singing along to the chorus while on the treadmill might land you in some trouble.
- “I’m Black/Colored Spade” from the musical Hair – Want people to think you are a racist asshole? Then sing this song in your car at the top of your lungs. This song is just a list of racial slurs for black people, that when taken out of context could seem like a horrible thing to listen to. My BFF and I actually really like the musical and we used to sing this song rollin’ in her Chevy Sprint until the day we got some really strange looks from a neighboring car.
- “Sit on My Face and Tell Me That You Love Me” by Monty Python – I think this one is pretty self explanatory.
- “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” by Toby Keith – The mere fact that this song exists is embarrassing enough, but I would be mortified if I were ever caught singing the lyrics ‘And you’ll be sorry that you messed with the U.S. of A. ‘Cause we’ll put a boot in your ass, It’s the American way’. Is it? I don’t really know much about this Toby Keith dude, but I know that his ridiculous song about being a stereotypical American douchebag is beyond embarrassing. If you actually own this song go ahead and delete it from your library. I’ll wait.
- “Pop That Coochie” by 2 Live Crew – 2 Live Crew is a cornucopia of embarrassing song lyrics. It was pretty hard for me to choose between this song and the infamous “Me So Horny”. But when I thought about walking around town singing the chorus, this song was by far the winner. Eww.