Over the weekend I had the pleasure of viewing the trailer for the new Steven Soderbergh film “Magic Mike“. Soderbergh usually tackles tough topics, but I gotta say this one might be his toughest yet: The world of male strippers. The film looks like an updated version of the Tom Cruise vehicle “Cocktail”. All we have to do is replace the word “BARTENDER” with the word “STRIPPER” and I think we have the same movie. But that’s not what this post is about, not really. As excited as I am to see this weird movie, I am more excited about the fact that my old friend Matthew McConaughey is in it. He plays a veteran stripper named “Dallas”. (Of course he does) It also seems that he spends most of the movie shirtless. (Of course he does) If there is any actor on his way to Nicolas Cage status, it’s Matthew McConaughey. Each role he takes is a step closer to self mockery, and I for one love every second of it. That face! That accent! That body! Here is a list of roles I think Matthew McConaughey should play. Shirtless.
- Darth Vader – C’mon, you know this would be fantastic. Just close your eyes and imagine MM in some black leather pants, a black cape and the Vader helmet uttering the words, “You should not have come back old man…” in his southern twang. How completely rad would that be? I know! You can thank me later.
- “Doc” Emmett Brown – As much as I love Christopher Lloyd’s iconic and eccentric scientist, I think I would love him more if he were played by a shirtless and possibly drunk MM. The lines are perfect for him, and so are the costumes. He could still have the “mad scientist” hair, but just no shirt. How hot would it be to see him step out of that DeLorean sans shirt?
- Rhett Butler – Right? He gets to chew on a cigar, go head to head with a feisty woman and actually be from the south. It’s a perfect fit. Especially the scenes where he is dancing with Scarlett after the death of her first husband.Talk about a scandal!
- Cruella de Vil – Okay, I know this one seems weird, but just work with me here for a second. Picture if you will MM wearing the famous white fur coat with nothing underneath. Now give him a really long cigarette holder, long red gloves, and some fucked up, two toned hair. See it? Great, right? I kind of picture him playing this role more on the dark side – like he’s been on drugs for like 67 years and is obsessed with Dalmatians and puppies. Whatever. I think it would be amazing. He’d win an Oscar.
- The Dude/Jeff Lebowski – Duh. Another total no brainer. I think this role was based on MM in the first place. It just seems perfect for him. We get to see MM drunk, on drugs, screwing and bowling. All shirtless. If there is a god, this will happen for reals.