24 “Random Facts”

Remember MySpace before it was “MySpace – A Place For Music“? Remember when you would “pimp your profile” and add cool backgrounds to your page? Remember doing those stupid surveys for no other reason than being totally bored at your lame office job that you couldn’t wait to quit? Maybe that was just me. I liked MySpace and I sometimes yearn for the simpler days of online networking, the days before Facebook made everyone seem cool and edgy with their Instagram photos. In honor of my sentimental side here is a silly survey.

1. I have not lived in the United States for six years.

2. The only pie I have ever eaten is Apple. True story.

3. I work out five times a week. This is unusual because I used to HATE going to the gym and I would substitute real fruit with gummy bears.

4. I have always wanted a pair of glass slippers, and red cowboy boots. I plan on getting those boots when I move to Texas next month. 

5. I believe that I can outwit and out run and out last zombies. I am prepared for Zombies at any given moment. My current flat is a death trap.

6. I often get mistaken for a 26-year-old.

7. I am a crier. I hide it well, but I will cry over anything. I cry at Little House on the Prairie, commercials, movies, weddings, books – you name it. There. My secret is out.

8. I have a not so secret desire to compete in extreme sports challenges. This November I am going to do the Warrior Dash. Next year – The Tough Mudder. I like being a badass. 

9. In my mind, I am a tomboy. I feel super un-girly and like a boy most days despite the fantastic rack I have.

10. My nose doesn’t work very well. Sometimes I can’t smell anything.

11. I love board games. Trivial Pursuit, Scrabble, Monopoly, Clue, Loaded Questions, Risk, Caranium…you name it. I’ll play! I even have plans on doing a little D&D when I relocate to the states. Whatever. Red Elf needs food!

12. I have worked as a waitress, a bartender, a teacher, a tour guide, a singer, a pizza girl, a secretary, an admin assistant, a manager, a clerk, a smut peddler, an editor and a babysitter. Next up? Personal Trainer, lead singer in a band and writer.

13. I am tired of the following trends: Red Velvet Cupcakes. Instagram Photos. Climate Change denile. Game of Thrones. Saying “The Husband” or “The Wife”. The phrase “Birther”. 

14. I am an inch and a half taller than the required height to be a midget. Judy Garland was my height, and so is  Kristen Chenoweth – coincidence? I think not.

16. I have lived in California, Mexico & Prague. I am adding Texas to that list.

16. When I was little I saw a movie about a woman who was disabled and learned to paint with her mouth. I went home and taught myself how to do it. I was a weird kid.

17. I won’t date a guy who does not respect Le Mutt. Le Mutt is my stuffed dog of whom I placed a tattoo on my arm.

18. I taught myself how to play the Ukulele.

19. At one point in my life I had over 350 pictures of Bruce Willis on my bedroom wall.

20. I went through a phase at about 16 where I drew dead people – like Victorian women dead from Vampire bites strewn across beds and stuff. I was into Vampires WAY before they sparkled.

21. When I am doing my cardio at the gym I often have “Rock Star” fantasies about me singing on stage to a sold out crowd. I am awesome every time.

22. I hated Forrest Gump, Donnie Darko and The Ring.

23. I hate driving. I haven’t driven a car in over 2 years.

24. I LOVE THIS KID: 

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