I like a good list. I like making them, and I like reading them. I know I am not alone in this because “BuzzFeed” exists. I recently came across the legendary list: “Sexiest Women of the Year”, from GQ Magazine. I usually read that list because it has really great pictures of really beautiful women. What’s not to like? I’ll tell you what, the lame categories they made so they could “rationalize” including women of different colors and ethnicities. See, instead of just including these gorgeous women on the list, they had to make special (racist) categories to put them in. I’m not kidding. Check it out.
“Hottest Indian Chick”: Freida Pinto
“Hottest Pregnant Sri Lankan”: M.I.A.
“Hottest Italian Chick”: Monica Belluci
“Hottest Chinese Chick”: Zhang Ziyi/Ziyi Zhang
I guess I should also note that they also had, “Hottest Blue Chick” and listed Mystique and Smurfette. I get it. It’s kind of funny. But breaking it down through race and ethnicity was a wrong move. Of course people are gonna get upset and take it the wrong way! THIS IS AMERICA! It is our right to know better and get pissed off anyway. We are a country that wants it both ways! Do not base opinions about me based on my gender, looks, race, weight, ethnicity, or sexual preference! But at the same time do not forget that I am a woman who has suffered from… issues, and stuff… and I might be part indian and… maybe some other stuff too. I am adopted! Where is the hottest adopted chick category? Huh? I choose to take offence, even if none was intended. USA! USA!
Anyway, here is my list of the sexiest men. Ever. In order to qualify, I have to think you are sexy.
- Sexiest British Dude (Yes, Brit’s can be sexy): Daniel Craig – Those eyes! Those muscles! That face! That accent! Add to those things that he is smart, talented, plays James Bond and is a grown up (44) and it all equals sexy. Oh, and did I mention that he is married to the talented and beautiful Rachel Weiz? I know. And please, don’t even get me started on seeing him strapped (naked) to a chair while getting whipped by a Cat of Nine Tails in his first Bond film. He made pain look good, and he told jokes while doing it. Alicia is in love.
- Sexiest Dude who is always on these lists: Brad Pitt – Duh. No Brainer. I have been happy about the existence of Brad Pitt in the world since he taught Geena Davis how to hold up a gas station in “Thelma & Louise”. In fact, at one point in my life I had decided to make a documentary called “Brad Pitt’s Torso”. The movie would be a short film that focuses Mr. Pitt doing everyday things like walking his dog, playing with kittens, doing the dishes, playing flag football with Matt Damon and George Clooney – all sans shirt. I think it would have been a hit. The man has it all: Brains, beauty, talent, a great sense of humor and is old enough to kick someones ass, and also to know when not too. (He is 49!) Yeah, I love you Brad Pitt.
- Sexiest Dude in ALL OF NERDOM!: Viggo Mortensen – That’s right. Viggo made Lord of the Rings sexy. A feat not easy to achieve. I mean you have Hobbits, elves, dwarves, goblins and wizards running around because of a silly piece of cursed jewelry? How is that sexy? Oh, I see. You make Viggo the KING of the nerds and all is totally forgiven. And let’s not forget that he is cool as shit. He is a painter, a poet, a writer, and I hear he sings. He was also married to the most badass of women, Exene Cervenka. A woman who herself is so freaking cool that she managed to marry both Viggo and John Doe! I mean most women don’t even get one, and she got two super sexy talented men.
- Sexiest Bad Hair Cut: Javier Bardem – I want to lay on a beach sipping frosty beverages with this man. No matter how bad his haircut is in how ever many movies.
- Sexiest Singing Superhero: Hugh Jackman – My biggest complaints concerning the “X Men” movies are that Hugh Jackman rarely gets to sing, and that he wears a shirt too often. When I think Wolverine, I think bare chest. And, would it be too much to ask for him to get a show tune? I think a singing, dancing Wolverine is just what the world needs right now. Magneto is super gay and would love it. It could be the X Men’s secret weapon! He’s a Tony winner! I think I am on to something here.
- Sexiest World Leader: Barack Obama – Yeah, we have a good looking president. He also happens to have a smokin’ hot wife. President Obama is the whole package. If you find power, brains, and a sweet smile sexy, the Obama is your man. He is the second American President who I have had a crush on. The first being Obama’s go to man, Bill Clinton. I used to have sex dreams about Bill Clinton. No joke.
- Sexiest Portly Dude: Jack Black – I have had a crush on Jack Black for years. I am more than convinced that if he and I were to meet we would be best buddies almost instantly. We have so much in common! We are both hilarious, we both sing, and we are both from So Cal. The fact that Jack Black is a portly fellow doesn’t bother me in the least bit. As for as I am concerned sexy starts in the brain. Jack Black is sexy because he is smart, talented, funny, and boy can he sing. (le sigh) Here is Jack Black singing “Let’s Get it On”.
- Sexiest Dude in a Movie With Bruce Willis (who isn’t Bruce Willis): Mos Def – I adore this man. He is cute, funny, smart, talented and it just so happens that he was in films with both Jack Black and (the love of my life) Bruce Willis. I like his politics. I like his personal style. I like his music. And, I like his face.
- Sexiest Singing, Dancing, Dead Dude: Gene Kelly – I grew up watching Gene Kelly singing in the rain, dancing in Paris and taking what seemed like an uncountable number of shore leaves in various films. Not only did he sing, dance and act, he also coreographed his own dances, and directed a number of films. Before there was Magic Mike, there was Mr. Gene Kelly.
- The Sexiest Man Alive Since 1985: Bruce Willis – Yes. I still love Bruce Willis. I love his looks, his facial expressions, his movies, his music, his TV shows, his lack of hair, his age, his ex wife, his brains and… well, not his politics but nobody’s perfect. Bruce Willis has remained relevant in Hollywood because he is cool, and because he is able to laugh at himself. You can’t take yourself too seriously when you start going bald at 30. I love you Bruce Willis. I hope someday you and I will meet, drink a few wine coolers together and then sing a few songs which will lead you to want to produce and guest on my first album. Which I call “To Bruno, With Love”. Here’s to you Bruce! I still lave ya.