Last night I watched the Academy Awards for the first time in seven years. I was excited. I used to have huge parties with themed food and drinks, guests dressed up for the event and I had prizes and trivia. It was fun. This time I went low-key: just me, my pj’s and some fresh-baked cookies.
- Seth MacFarlane & LA Gay Men’s Choir sing “We Saw Your Boobs” – What a great way to open the show. Honestly, I was cracking up the entire time. I know a lot of people thought it was tacky and not right for the Oscars, but what did you expect when you asked the creator of Family Guy to host? He was just doing what the public likes him to do. I loved the light-hearted tone it set for the rest of the show, and also it let people know that Hollywood was not going to take itself seriously tonight.
- Meryl Streep – Not only does she get to announce best actor Daniel Day-Lewis, she didn’t skip a beat in doing it. “And the winner is Daniel Day-Lewis.” Done. Like a boss.
- Daniel Day-Lewis acceptance speech – Isn’t DDL adorable? I just want him to be my sexy excentric uncle. Anyway, I loved how gracious, sincere and funny he was. He toyed with Ms. Streep and joked about them switching roles at the last-minute – Lincoln for Thatcher – it was brilliant. He could have a second career as a stand up comic. He is a humble man who is amazing considering the amount of talent he has. I love you DDL.
- Ben Affleck acceptance: Unlike DDL, Ben isn’t a pro at these things. He is just coming into his own. He showed last night that all of Clooney’s tutelage hasn’t gone to waste. Ben has learned to be a man’s man. His words to his wife left everyone in tears. Well played, Benjamin.
- All of the musical treats – Yes, I could have done without the full cast of Les Mis getting on stage and performing, but whatever. It was fine. I loved Catherine Zeta Jones, and Jennifer Hudson looked and sounded fierce. But, what was better than that was the “you’re going long” music. Every time a speech started to run long the “Jaws” theme started to play. LOVE.
- All things Tarantino – I jumped up and clapped when Christoph Waltz won, and I thought QT gave a great speech about how, more than anything, the actors should be heavily thanked for bringing his crazy, badass characters to life. I was happy to see him up there. Maybe one day the Academy will let him have a best picture statue. Ha.
- Babs & Bassey – Shirley Bassey OWNED the stage. That is until my girl Barbara got up there and killed it. Both women showed the world that age don’t matter – it’s all about talent. And both have it. I loved that Ms. Bassey wore gold, skin-tight sequins, and Barbra was apparently paying homage to her 1970’s self with her hair, gown, nails and make up. It’s not every performer who can stand still on a stage and just sing and keep you totally entertained. Were you taking notes Gaga? PS – I also very much enjoyed when Ms Bassey grabbed her boob.
- Red Carpet drivel: Has it always been this bad? I don’t think so. I mean I guess. I seem to recall Tyra Banks in a huge purple prom dress, speaking like a hood rat to nominees on the RC. It was sad. But it seems like there is an array of idiots with microphones out there now, all asking insipid questions. I saw one woman ask Zoe Saldana how she prepares, not for a role, but for getting into her dress. I wanted to punch that stupid woman in the nose.
- Kristen Stewart – Is it too much to ask for you to comb your hair before going on national television at a black tie event? That girl looked like she just got done snorting a line in the bathroom with 4 hookers and Jack Nicholson. Seriously. Girl looks used up, torn up and trashy. If you resent the Oscars, then just don’t go. But don’t show up looking like a an after picture on “Faces of Meth”.
- That 9 year-old: Yeah, I mean that cute little girl who was nominated for best actress. Her. She was super-duper obnoxious. Mom? You need to have a little talk with Princess Pomposity about humility and its role in the lime light. You need to tell her it isn’t cute, nor is it ok to “fist pump” at a black tie event. And it doesn’t hurt to say “Thank you”. Stay classy Quvenzhané Wallis.
- Les Mis Cast sing-a-long- love Les Mis, and I thought the film was alright, so I mean this with the utmost respect: SHUT UP. Shut up! Please? That wasn’t just painful to look at, but it was painful to listen to. Anne Hathaway is a lovely person with an alright voice, she didn’t need that extra push from the sound man. It worked on-screen because she was in character, crying, and dying. The whole gang just seemed overwrought and sad. I was glad when it was over.
- Michelle Obama – I was just as confused as poor Jack. He seemed genuinely high or totally confused about the presence of the first lady, and so was I. Why did that happen? And why wasn’t she there in person? It wouldn’t have felt so cheap and strange if she had been there… or been in a movie. Just sayin’. I love Michelle just as much as the next guy, but that was wacky.