I know you are super busy getting ready for your amazing trip around the world, but I wanted to drop you a quick line. I haven’t asked you for anything in a long time because I’m pretty happy and I am old enough to buy my own toys. But I thought I’d reach out to you this year and ask for a couple of things. Not for me, but for the betterment of the universe.
First I’d like to ask that you bring a big stack of history and geography books to the folks over at FOX News. Maybe you didn’t hear all the way up at The North Pole, but one of their “on air personalities” named Megyn Kelly (Yes, spelling Megyn with a Y is both annoying and pretentious, but that isn’t the point) decided that you are a white male. I figure if you give them books about the arctic and its native people, they will see that you probably are not a Caucasian dude. Most white guys who went to the North Pole back in the day died of ice related accidents or from being really freaking cold. A book about geography might help them learn about people from different parts of the world and how they don’t all look the same. And while they are looking up The North Pole they could look up Jerusalem and see where that is. If “Jesus” was a real dude who was actually born in Jerusalem, there is no way he looks like he did in those pictures in Sunday school. Providing the folks at FOX with some actual books with facts in them might be the perfect gift for this year.
My next request is kind of a big one. Tolerance. Not just for me, but for the whole world. Actually, mostly people who use Christianity as a way to be intolerant and mean. People like… Phil Robertson. (AKA the beardy guy from Duck Dynasty) This is a guy who used to go around to bars and hand out Bibles. This is a guy who was baptized at age 28! That means it was a choice he made to love god and be a better person. Well Santa, he didn’t get the memo about Christians being kind and loving and accepting. In fact, he compares homosexuals to terrorists and drunks (one of which he used to be) and says that Muslims don’t watch his show, so it doesn’t matter what he says about them. Not very Christian. Not very human! If the rest of us have to tolerate racist rednecks, then perhaps they can learn to tolerate everybody else.
So Santa, as you can see my Christmas wishes are not selfish ones. I just want to live in a world where my gay friends can watch TV like the rest of us. I want to live in a world where people on a show with “News” in the title are held to higher standards… like facts. There is no excuse for hateful statements about people you don’t know. There is no excuse for being a bigot in 2013. You are pretty much our last hope, Santa. Well, you and Jennifer Lawrence.
That year I asked for a bike with a cool flowered banana seat? You totally came through. And I learned how to ride a bike. Just do the same thing for mean people. But instead of a sweet bike, send them some tolerance and hope. Given enough time and patience maybe they’ll learn to ride with confidence and joy, just like I did.