I just finished reading Serena by Ron Rash and it rocked my world. The title character is a Scarlet O’Hara type, obsessed with land and willing to do anything to get it. She gets what she wants by any means necessary. I loved the book so much it lead me to think about all the other lecherous yet awesome females of literature, and how they are far more memorable than any princess will ever be.
In honor of Serena, here is my list of the most detestable ladies of literature. PS – This may include spoilers. No endings are given away, but I do let you know some of the more colorful aspects to these characters.
- Serena (Serena by Ron Rash)- This lady makes Scarlet O’Hara look more like Melanie Wilkes. Serena is a take no shit woman who gets what she wants. No matter what the price. Oh and she also has a trained eagle she keeps with her. Like a boss. Jennifer Lawrence will be playing the role on the big screen (against Bradley Cooper, of course) in February, so you heard it here first. Read the book! I promise it won’t disappoint. Ron Rash is a fantastic writer and the Appalachian mountains come alive with his lovely style and prose. Oh, and guys! this is NOT some chick lit romance, so don’t let the cover fool you. It’s about timber loggers in the 1930’s and it has lots of death and killing and intrigue. You’ll dig it, I promise.
- Scarlet O’Hara (Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell) – While Scarlet brings to mind thoughts of romance and swelling music, Scarlet O’Hara is not a nice person. She is admirable on one hand, doing what needs to be done, but on the other hand completely loathsome. I mean, Ashley Wilkes is a simple dullard so he almost deserves the treatment Scarlet forces him to endure. But she is horrid. She deliberately steals her sisters man. She deliberately hires convicts to work in her factory in order to save money. And she beats them. She is selfish and spoiled, rude and entitled. Yet we all love her for her spunk and tenacity. For me her drive and determination make all the rest seem okay. It’s not her fault she’s smarter and prettier than her sister.
- Beatrice Lacey (Wideacre by Philippa Gregory) – Like the two ladies on this list ahead of her, Beatrice Lacey is obsessed with her land and will stop at nothing to keep it. Adultery and murder are all in a days work for Beatrice Lacey. The things that Beatrice does in this book will make you slam it closed in horror only to open it again just as quick to see what happens next. It is so much fun! But be warned, this book is not for the faint of heart. Incest and bondage are just a few things to look forward to in this crazy book. The first in a trilogy that will have you hooked from beginning to end. If you can endure the crazy, that is.
- The White Witch (The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis) This bitch killed Christmas. It doesn’t get much worse than that. She banished all sense of happiness and hope, and She turns her enemies into stone. That’s wicked cool. Pun totally intended. Whats more, she isn’t a nice person. She’s cold and dispassionate, cruel and mean. She uses her magic to terrorize anyone who crosses her. She’s alluring, proud, and cruel – a deadly combination when you take into account her army of demons and dark monsters. Seriously. She had dwarfs and giants working side by side with wraiths and minotaurs. MINOTAURS! It’s always winter and never Christmas, and you won’t be getting any gifts this year. I’m Tilda. Bitch.
- Annie Wilkes (Misery by Stephen King) – I’m a big fan of Stephen King, but I would never kidnap him and force him to write stories for my approval. Or would I? Come to think of it, that sounds kind of awesome. I mean I wouldn’t torture him or anything, just make him watch Thinner and Maximum Overdrive on replay until he makes up a better ending to Under the Dome. I think that is a just punishment. Anyway, Annie Wilkes subjects poor Paul Sheldon to psychological and physical torture for a really long time. And she kills people. Oh, and then we find out that she’s an infamous serial killer. She stabs a state trooper with a wooden cross and runs him over with a lawnmower, after having chopped Sheldon’s foot off with an axe, setting it alight with a blowtorch. See, I’m nice compared to Annie Wilkes.
- Mrs. Danvers (Rebecca by Daphne de Maurier) – Mrs. Danvers is pretty much the scariest person I can imagine sharing time with in a creepy gothic mansion. She’s tall and gaunt and pointy looking. In the novel she is often described as having a white skull face. See? Creepy. She wears all black and she’s mean as they come. She’s like a vampire, all death and decay. She’s always creeping around some dark hallway, spying on someone with her ear to the door, or her eye to the key hole. She’s a sneaky manipulative bully and downright nasty. I won’t divulge any more because she’s a pretty fun part of the book, but just steer clear of any open windows when she’s around.
- Daisy Buchanan (The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald) – Let me start by stating up front that I am not a huge fan of F. Scott Fitzgerald and his books about rich people problems. That being said, I rather liked The Great Gatsby. And I liked it largely in part to Daisy Buchanan. Although every single character in this novel deserves a punch in the face, Daisy deserves just a few extra ones for being such a coked-up, self-absorbed brat. Is there a more insufferable character in all of literature? Maybe, but I wouldn’t want to hang out with Daisy Buchanan any time soon. Sure she may not be as repugnant as her husband Tom, but if that is the best thing we can say about her, then there is an issue. Daisy embodies all of the garish shallowness of the 1920’s and flaunts it with pride and ease. I mean come on, anyone who says this deserves a punch in the face. “I hope she’ll be a fool. That’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.”
- Amy Dunne (Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn) – This is the only book on the list which I have not actually read. I did however see the movie and was told it stays pretty faithful. That being said, Amy Dunne is a bad, bad woman. She goes well beyond bitch, tackles bat shit crazy and goes for the title of all out psychopath. On the surface Amy Dunne is the quintessential, all American “Girl Next Door”. She’s beautiful, funny, smart, and people want to be around her. Some people. She was the inspiration for a (fictional) children’s book series Amazing Amy. She’s famous. But underneath the Amazing Amy exterior is a crumbling marriage hiding a multitude of secrets. While we might understand why Amy is a total head case, it doesn’t excuse the absolute cold manor in which she manipulates everyone around her. The most dangerous thing about Amy is that she will do absolutely anything- lie, cheat, steal, kill – to get her way.
- Veda Pierce (Mildred Piece by James M. Cain) – If there is a worse child in all of literature than Veda Peirce, then I’d like to see them in a death match. And my money would be on Veda. Veda is annoying for starters. She wants to hang out with the cool, rich kids in Pasadena, but they live crappy, crappy Glendale. Thanks a lot, mom! (Having grown up in Pasadena, this part of the plot had me in stitches.) Veda blames her poor, workhorse of a mother for everything bad that happens in her life, then manipulates her with emotional blackmail. And that’s just for starters. Mildred tried to give her daughter everything; voice lessons, piano lessons, a piano, new clothes, but nothing was ever good enough for Veda. Her insatiable appetite was only matched by the pleasure she took in torturing her mother. Which is hard to endure as a reader. You just want to shake Mildred until she wakes up and sees Veda for what she is: a total nightmare. But Mildred is always forgiving, and that is exactly what Veda counts on. For Mildred, what other choice is there but to just get stinko?
- Amy March (Little Women by Louisa May Alcott) – Okay, this might be a little unconventional, but I stand by my choice. First off, Amy is the youngest child which makes her annoying by default. She is a beautiful little girl who grows into a beautiful young woman and she knows it. A blond-haired, blue-eyed beauty who is a little obsessed with her own good looks. Except for her nose. She would totally have a nose job if she were living today (#nosejob) Amy uses her feminine charms to her advantage, a stark contrast to her much cooler and more homely sister, Jo. She is also obsessed with all things upper crust. She is keen to move up in the world and marry well. (Yawn). As a young girl she gets in trouble at school and vows never to return. And doesn’t! She gets home schooled, which is exactly what she wants. Later, her sisters don’t invite her to play with them, so as revenge, she burns Jo’s manuscript! Burns it! No computer back ups. All hand written. Seriously, if you burn my manuscript I might just let you drown in that frozen pond. Brat. I’d like to see Amy, and Daisy and Veda living in a house together Real World style. I would totally watch that show.