An Open Letter to Donald Trump

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Donald,

Can I call you Donald? I hope so because I won’t call you Mr. President. I don’t know if I should feel sad or angry today. Or just horrified. How do you feel? Do you feel? I sometimes wonder. I mean there is a right side and a wrong side of history, and you ARE the wrong side. Do you get that?

I’m a NASTY WOMAN. I’m talking horrid. Super Duper Nasty. I’m disgusting! And this Nasty Woman isn’t scared of little boys like you. And there are a lot of us. Hillary. Michelle. Beyoncé. Samantha. Megan. We are legion, and we are a helluva lot stronger than you are. We are daughters. We are wives. We are mothers. We are fighters.

And we’re not scared of you.

That’s right. We’re not scared of you. Not even a little. You are a tiny man who used the most undereducated voters to win. You used fear. Good for you, you clown. People like you try to scare people like me. But it doesn’t work. Because I’m smarter than you. I read books. Lots of books with words… all the best words. 

“The split in America, rather than simply economic, is between those who embrace reason, who function in the real world of cause and effect, and those who, numbed by isolation and despair, now seek meaning in a mythical world of intuition, a world that is no longer reality-based, a world of magic.” ― Chris Hedges, American Fascists: The Christian Right and the War on America

If you understood that, then you’ll get why the entire country is pissed today. Because we just put a fascist in the White House. You won because you pandered to the Americans who think they are being ‘displaced’. You pandered to people who are scared to lose their guns, lives, homes, money, country…anything…

But like I said. That’s not me. I don’t scare easy, and it takes more than a big, orange molester to scare me. I’ve gone up against men scarier than you. I can do it again.

I’m not scared of you because… You are a bigot. You openly hate people based on the color of their skin, or where they were born. That is something ignorant, stupid people do. Smart people look to those different to see what they can learn. Smart people think about how differences make us stronger. Not you. You want to build walls and deport people and assault women and who knows what else since you never really laid out any actual plans. Idiot.

I’m not scared of you because… you are scared of women. That’s right. You are scared of us. You called Hillary a nasty woman because you are scared of her. Of all of us. Of what our power, together, united could do. Will do. You judge women based on their looks. How “Hot” they are to you. (Good thing for you voters didn’t do the same. You fat, ugly, incoherent windbag.)

American women have been putting up with dickheads like you for decades. At home. At work. Walking to work. At the store. You name it. We get told about ourselves all the fucking time. (Just ask all of your ex wives! Two out of three being IMMIGRANTS, I might add.) Now we get to deal with a self-loving, woman hating, dickhead in the White House. And after Obama! He loved us! It sucks, but we’ll manage. Because we are not afraid of you. Hillary Clinton wasn’t scared of you. She’s smarter than you. You know it. She knows it. We know it. Her husband knows it. And speaking of Bill… please, PLEASE stop pointing out that Bill Clinton cheated on her twenty years ago. You hit on your own daughter in public all the time. You don’t deserve my respect. Or my fear. Just my vomit.

I’m not scared of you because... you are not intimidating. You are a joke. You mock people. You make little “jokes” at their expense. (Here’s a clue. A joke is supposed to be funny) You mutter under your breath like a child in trouble. Being afraid of you would be like being afraid of a three-year old.

And finally I’m not scared of you because I won’t let you take my rights aways from me. Or any woman. I won’t let you step on the constitution and I won’t let you try to hurt my immigrant brothers and sisters. My LGBTQ friends and neighbors. I won’t let you forget that BLACK LIVES MATTER. That WOMENS LIVES MATTER. That my body is MY BODY and if you even think of grabbing me by the pussy you’ll regret it.

So Fuck you, Donald. I don’t respect you now and I won’t when you are sworn in. You are a liar, a cheater, an idiot, and a bad salesman. And a bad writer. Your book is a piece of shit just like all of your businesses. Which You’ve bankrupted. And now you get to be in charge of Fucking Over America and our Daughters. And our Sons. You’ve set this country back decades with your bullshit machismo. With your blatant racism.

We had a chance to keep moving forward but collectively chose to move backwards. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

And it’s all your fault.

 

Sincerely,

Alicia

What I Miss?

bill_cosby_1978025Sorry folks, a lot of life happened to me in November, but I’m back! And after a succesful NaNoWriMo to boot! That’s right, I won for the third time! (out of ten times trying.) NaNoWriMo takes up a lot of time and energy, plus I had my job to worry about, so I just couldn’t blog. But I came out of November with a whole novel! So I can’t complain. I did it! Thanksgiving, a broken tooth, a sprained hand, and some sort of stomach virus are not going to stop me. 

But so much has happened! If these stories had surfaced at any other time, I would have had a lot to say. But as it was, my words were otherwise engaged. So I thought I’d give my two cents on the big stories I missed in the last thirty days. I’m a little rusty,so be kind. It feels good to be back.

  1. Bill Cosby – Ever since women began coming forward accusing The Cos of sexual assault and rape, I have been wondering where his supporters are. Usually when there is some sort of scandal involving a beloved celebrity (Mel Gibson, Tiger Woods) that celebrity has his famous friends coming out of the woodwork to support them. Not so much with Bill Cosby. Raven-Symone has said to please “leave her out of it.” Whoopie Goldberg said on the view she found some of the stories “questionable”, and singer Jill Scott defended him on Twitter. Most stars have tried to dodge the story by saying things like, “How sad if this is true”. Sad? More like infuriating. These women deserve to at least be heard. If these allegations are true, and dollars to donuts they are, then it is infuriating that this man preyed on women for over thirty years and nobody did anything to stop him. He drugged women and then had sex with them, or touched them. Power and privilege can sometimes make a man into a monster. He shouldn’t get special treatment just because he was a great TV dad and comedian. He is an awful person and should be put away. It’s called serial rape. But famous men often get away with brutality and we end up blaming the victim. I think a full investigation should be made, and if Bill Cosby wants to remain relevant and free, then he should start talking. But his silence is so loud that the only option is to believe the 20+ women and their claims of abuse. Sometimes you have to kill your heroes.
  2. Philae’s Wild Comet Landing – Yep, scientists managed to put a lander on a comet. A comet! The thing used harpoons and everything! I half expected to see Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck emerging from it to help save the earth. Okay, so the mission wasn’t to save the earth, but it was pretty freaking dramatic. It touched down thrice and drifted for nearly two hours before resting on the comet. Now the thing is recharging its batteries and hibernating until it gets closer to the sun. I don’t know what it all means, but I do know that it is wicked cool.

  3. Charles Manson getting married – Who the fuck cares.

  4. Fergusondemonstrators-defy-curfew-fergusonUnfortunately when the news came that there would be no indictment I wasn’t the least bit shocked. I lived in LA during the OJ trial and the riots that followed. This doesn’t feel a bit different. Except that OJ was a famous sports and film figure at the time and used those things to help him legally get away with murder. In Ferguson we have a police officer who shot and killed an unarmed kid and got away with it. It should have been cut and dry. I don’t care what the legal evidence was, the police officer should be behind bars, at least for some period of time. There was no question that he did it. Only a question of self-defence. A murder, even if it was an accident or self-defence, should be punished. The fact the officer is a free man today has sparked nationwide riots. Yes, the facts matter. And no, I was not in the courtroom to hear the facts. But, I do believe some sort of punishment was necessary. And we must also take into account that this wasn’t the first time an unarmed black man has been shot for no good reason. And recently! The the powers that be don’t do something fast, a full revolution is on the horizon.

    But I don’t think taking to the streets and reeking havoc is the right answer. It doesn’t solve anything. I’m all for revolution, but looting, robbing and arson are juvenile. Nobody will take you or your cause seriously if you are damaging property. It’s hard to have sympathy for someone when they are setting fire to a pizzeria. I say, take that anger and turn it into something useful. Take action, but in a civil way. Hell, find a lawyer and sue the city of Ferguson for hate crimes. Now that would be something. If we learned anything at all from Do the Right Thing, it is that letting people get really frustrated about unfair treatment never ends well. Espically for the pizzerias in the neighborhood.

And that’s all I got for now. I promise to be a better blogger until November comes a knockin’ again next year. But until then you can always stop by and say hello. I’ll be here.

Moment of Joy

New-Yorker-Cover-468x640I’m sure you have seen the now infamous Bert & Ernie “New Yorker” cover. It shows the two roommates hanging on the couch watching what looks like the supreme court on the old boob tube. They look to be in a quiet celebration of the Supreme Court’s overturning of DOMA on a 5-4 vote. Most people saw this cover and smiled because, let’s be honest, we all know that Bert & Ernie are gay. (Sure, the creators say things like “They are pre sexual” or “just friends” but we all know whats up. Hello!? Batman & Robin!?) Most of us felt happy seeing this image because now maybe they can just be a normal couple like Kermit the Frog & Miss Piggy. Who are far more freaky as a couple, by the way.

The Twitter-verse exploded with comments both positive and negative. Over 12,000 of them! I couldn’t believe it. How could this possibly be offensive to anyone? They are Muppets! I didn’t see this sort of uproar when Big Bird made the cover of Time, or when Beaker & Honeydew graced the cover of Wired. I didn’t notice a national meltdown when Animal was featured on the cover of Rolling Stone. I guess the reason why people are upset is because many American’s still think Gay = Bad. Well, it doesn’t.

Being offended at homosexuality is over. OVER. You are not cool if you are offended by gay people. You are just offended. And go ahead, be offended. That is your choice. (Unlike being gay, by the way.) You could choose to ignore it, or you could choose to enjoy it. You can even choose to let it ruin your day. That’s all on you. But whatever you choose, just remember gay people are not going anywhere. So, get used to it. There will be more gay people on TV, and not limited to “very special episodes”. There will be gay comic book characters, super heroes, and princesses. The closet doors of America are swinging open whether you like it or not. So, think about how you want to handle this new reality.

Oh, and saying “The gay thing doesn’t offend me, but the use of children’s characters to promote a political side is just wrong…” is a total cop out. There is nothing “wrong” with Bert & Ernie being gay. There are gay people in the world, and most kids already know a bunch of them. They probably have gay teachers and gay friends. That’s right, there are even gay kids out there. Wouldn’t it be nice to let THOSE kids have role models too? We need to do more than just “teach” kids about gay people. It marks gay as different which needs to stop. Just think, if it were Kermit & Piggy on that cover, would it have upset anyone? I doubt it.

Gay people have put up with tons and tons and tons of “straight” imagery over the years. They’ve seen magazine covers with Posh & Beck, a naked threesome (of bloody bad actors) from True Blood, Tom & Nicole, Tom & Katie, Tom & Penelope… you get the idea. I bet some of them were even offended. But, gay people aren’t allowed to get offended at straight couples because straight is “normal”, normal for straight people. We need to remember – not everyone in the world is straight, or christian, or smart, or awesome.There are people out there who disagree with everything you believe in. And that is 100% O.K. Believe what you like, and let me do the same. It’s when you start trying to restrict the rights of those different than you that you start to get into trouble.

I’ll be honest, I am offensive sometimes and I am totally ok with it. I don’t mind offending people, they’ll get over it. Being offended isn’t the worst thing in the world. Personally, I try to only take offense at things that actually matter. Like civil rights denied a group of people for centuries. That offends me. The idea that children need to be shielded from homosexuality – THAT offends me. Preaching “christian values” while villainizing millions of men and women –THAT offends me.

Seeing a couple of Muppets in a cuddle? Well, that just makes me smile.

Slacktivism

tumblr_mke3vsTpkr1qkd1ybo1_1280I am usually not a supporter of “Slacktivism”. I find it rather silly and doesn’t do one bit of good for whatever cause you think you are supporting. How is posting the color of my bra as a status update supposed to show that I am fighting for a cure to breast cancer? How is changing my profile picture to anything count as ‘activism’? It doesn’t. Not usually. That’s why they call it “Slacktivism”. It’s activism without doing anything, thus Slacktivism.

But I did change my profile picture to the red equal sign, and I’ll tell you why. First off, the sign is from the Human Rights Campaign, and it is to show congress that America – ALL OF AMERICA – supports marriage equality. It was a genius campaign of peer pressure that resulted in 13 members of congress showing the sign.

Peer pressure can be an effective tool for enacting change in people who are too dumb to do it on their own. Every single argument that has been made to “protect marriage” has been dismantled. Seeing all the red out there is inspiring. It’s making me think that maybe this will inspire people towards REAL activism. Maybe this will inspire people to speak up when they hear someone say “…that’s so gay…”, or attend the next Gay Pride march.

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At the very least, the red equal sign has hushed the idiots. Maybe seeing all that red made people think twice before posting a derogatory slur. Maybe it inspired one asshole to change the way he thinks. Even if it only got one person to stop and think about human rights, and what it means to be human, then it was worth it. 

ANd it can’t end there. I challenge you to prove you are not just an armchair warrior. If you were one of the millions of people who proudly changed your profile picture to a red equal sign, I challenge you to take it to the next level. Get off your ass and become an activist. Don’t be scared. You have already taken the first step! You were outraged enough to publicly state “I demand change!” That’s a good thing. Now all you have to do is get out there and show the people you mean it. Talk the talk. Walk the walk. Find a fun event taking place in your city that supports the LGBT community. Write a letter to your congresswoman or man. Donate money to the Human Rights Campaign.

Change starts when you let it. Let it.

12 Ways to Deal with Ann Coulter

I have an ongoing list of people I’d like to punch in the face. The list ebbs and flows like the tide – sometimes it is long, sometimes it is short. Right now the list is down to one solitary person. But this person is so annoying, so totally undeserving of just one solitary punch that I thought up twelve more creative, fun ways to deal with the meanest, most repugnant woman in America.

  1. Send her away… Far away – That’s right. You wanna see what being a cute blond American woman is like NOT in America? Huh? Do ya? I think she’d look real cute wrapped up in a Burqa. I wonder how many people would pay attention to her gaping hole of a mouth if it wasn’t attached to her Barbie doll looks. Maybe if she really didn’t have rights, or physical beauty, she would start to grasp what woman’s rights are really about. Or we could just hit her in the face.
  2. Make her write a thesis on Down Syndrome and Women’s Rights – Two things she hates. Maybe if she actually knew anything about these two topics she wouldn’t be such an asshole about them.
  3. Force her to eat foodWomen like her are skinny because they survive on the souls of babies, and kitten blood. We can’t let this continue. We must force the Skeleton better known as “Ann Coulter” to eat actual food. Maybe she’ll be nicer if she eats some cake.
  4. Cage Match: Ann Coulter vs Elisabeth Hasselbeck – There is only room for one ignorant blond. Let’s make ’em fight for it. My money is Hasselbeck. She’s got experience from fighting on both Survivor and The View. Either way, it would be awesome to watch.
  5. Redirect – That’s what you are supposed to do with kids throwing temper tantrums. So maybe every time she starts acting up in an interview the host can jangle some keys in front of her or send her to “the alone spot” so she can think about her actions. I know. It doesn’t work with kids either.
  6. Tweets – Just for Her – Since you can’t take away her right to send out stupid tweets, maybe we can take out the sting. Every time she Tweets it will be followed by this sound: http://sadtrombone.com/ Try it! Here is Ann talking about taking away women’s right to vote: “If we take away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat President.  It’s sort of a pipe dream, a personal fantasy of mine.” http://sadtrombone.com/
  7. Send her to live with Honey Boo Boo – I don’t have any good reason for this. I just think it would make her totally miserable. If there is one family in the world who doesn’t give two shits about her rhetoric, it’s that family.
  8. Put her under the Brooklyn Bridge – Traditionally, trolls live under bridges.
  9. I hear The Tower of London has a vacancy… – The Tower of London is a  symbol of oppression, inflicted upon London by the new ruling elite. I think it’s a perfect spot for her.
  10. She sits in a room for hours on end listening to … 
  11. Make everyone ask for her permission before using the toilet – I swear, there is nothing more annoying than people asking for permission to use the toilet all day. By the third one you are ready to jump out a window. So, I think it would be awesome to have anyone who is in a room with Ann Coulter ask her for permission to go to the bathroom as needed. All day. Every day. In an elevator. At the Zoo. In an interview. At home. EVERYWHERE.
  12. Tell her she’s got her own TV show – But it never airs. Ever. She goes in, week after week and does a show. She has guests. She has a set. Everything is real except for the fact that it never airs. She thinks she’s out there being a hateful bitch, but in reality every one has forgotten she ever existed. Life gets just a little sunnier. The ozone layer begins to mend. People are nicer to each other, and political parties start working together. Nobody can remember why things changed, but nobody cares. Folks are just too busy getting along to care.

Reproductive Science

Now that I am back in America I find that I am often reminded of just how long I have been away. For instance, it is no longer alright to tell a child “no”, you must instead “redirect” their attention elsewhere. Being fat is a right we have, and needs to be protected – how dare you take away my rights to trans-fats!? And let’s not forget that we need to be protected from ourselves wherever we go, that’s why it is good we have all of the cameras watching our every move.

Bullshit.

It seems to me that America is leading the world in made up facts. You like that? Made up facts? It is all the rage these days. Like, a woman has some super cool power that let’s her choose when she will get pregnant, and this super power “kicks in” when she gets raped so that she won’t end up with a rape baby. How awesome! But this is nothing new. People have been lying to you about women and womens bodies for years. It’s just the American way. I am pretty sure that the mandatory “health” class I took in the 10th grade didn’t cover how a rape can generate it’s own birth control, but if the people in the US Government say it is true, then it must be.

Let’s look at female hysteria for instance. Way, way back in the 19th century women were medically diagnosed with “female hysteria”, a condition who’s symptoms include faintness, nervousness, sexual desire, insomnia, fluid retention, heaviness in abdomen, muscle spasm, shortness of breath, irritability, loss of appetite for food or sex, and “a tendency to cause trouble”. In order to cure women of this horrible disease women were given water massages, and vibrators. Other cures included bed rest, bland food, seclusion, refraining from mentally taxing tasks (for example, reading) and sensory deprivation. Thank god the men folk were around to save us from ourselves.

Let’s not forget that just recently The Biggest Idiot in the World  Rush Limbaugh called a woman a slut for using birth control. If being a responsible person is slutty then slap my ass and paint a big red A on my tube top, because I too am a slut. It seems that men out there don’t want women having “too much sex” or sex that isn’t “normal”. Sorry losers. It isn’t 1896 anymore, and sex isn’t just for procreating – thank god. As a woman who is child free, I expect a big, fat THANK YOU card from the RNC for not making yet another spoiled American kid who will suckle at my guilty, unavailable teat for 26 years while I throw money at them so they feel loved.

Let me just sum it up for you – a woman can get pregnant if she is raped. Plan B does NOT cause abortions. Taking birth control does not make women extra horny and want to have sex. Abortion does not cause breast cancer, or prostrate cancer. They want you to think that YOU are too stupid to think for yourself and you need people to tell you what to do.

I hope you are mad, and I hope that you think the republican party is trying to sell you a bill of goods because it is. It is 2012 and women are smart, working, thoughtful people who can do more than just faint on couches, be mommies or jump out of cakes. There are folks out there trying to get us to be non thinking bimbos – women who can’t or worse –  don’t want to think for themselves. But if we use our collective voice we can stop them. We are strong and we are independent. We are wise and we are fighters. We are in charge of our own bodies until we give that control over to the people who are trying to take it from us. It is our job not to let them. A vote for Mitt Romney is a vote for submission.

Think about it.

Why TOSH Rape Joke Wasn’t Funny

I’m no prude when it comes to comedy. If the comedian is smart enough and has good timing, then I think just about anything can be funny. I have heard Louis C.K. say some funny shit about gays and parents, and I have heard Sarah Silverman say funny things about the holocaust and Martin Luther King Jr. The topics themselves are not off-limits, but should be left to the professionals – people who understand irony and satire.

When I read about this TOSH dude and his “rape joke” troubles, I was immediately pissed off. First, because now women who get pissed are gonna get a bad rap. Like “oh, here come the feminists who can’t take a joke…” I CAN take a joke if the joke is funny and actually a joke.

Which brings me to the second thing –  what he said wasn’t a joke, it was an invitation. For those of you even more out of the loop than me, here is what happened. TOSH was doing his act, and a lady heckled him. Later in his show he says, “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl [referring to the audience member who “heckled” him about rape jokes not being funny earlier in his set] got raped by, like, five guys right now? Like right now?”

That was not only unfunny, but it was personal and pointed. And inciting. He was encouraging a gang rape all because he isn’t a clever enough comedian to think on his feet. His “joke” targeted victims and perpetuate male dominance as a way to shut women up. Not to mention it makes him a the comedic equivalent of an 8-year-old kid. His come back was something that you might see on The Maury Povich Show. Only people with base senses of humor, little brains or creativity need to resort to something like violence to make their point. He might as well have said, “Oh yeah lady? Well, you’re ugly.” or “If you don’t shut up, I’m gonna tell mom!”

If you are a comedian you need to be prepared for hecklers. That’s part of the job. If you tell rape jokes that aren’t funny, you had better be prepared for criticism. Maybe this Tosh douche needs to find a new line of work. He doesn’t know funny. Because, as Sarah Silverman said, “Obviously no woman ever asks to be raped… I think there are some women who are asking to be motor boated…”

An Open Letter to ‘Lawmakers’

Dear Lawmakers,

My name is Alicia, and I am a woman. For those of you who don’t know what that is, let me help you out. It’s a noun meaning the female human being. Still in the dark? It’s all of those people in the world that don’t have the dangly parts between their legs that entitle them to more rights than everyone else. You know, a penis? Anyway, I am one of those “other” human beings and I am getting a little pissed off with you guys.

First of all, let me just state that we are really tired of a bunch of elderly men deciding what we can and cannot do with our bodies. I mean, what’s it to you?  Is any of your business if I have sex? Have a baby? Have sex while not being married? You don’t see us ladies ganging up on you guys asking what you do with your old, tired, penis now do you? We don’t stage meetings behind closed doors to decide what white men age 60 and over are allowed to do with their penises, and then not invite you to come have a say in it. We haven’t gathered together to decide that every man who wants to have premarital sex must have an invasive penile procedure and discuss his sex life with a Doctor first.

Not yet. But we are starting to want to. 

The right to an abortion isn’t a matter for you to decide. It was already decided years ago. It is a right that we women have. We fought for it for years, and now it is our RIGHT. And you are chipping away at it the best you know how. But I see what you are doing. You are trying to shame women into submission. You are trying to tell the general public that the only woman who will want an abortion is either a slut or a rape victim. Well, I got news for you assholes – it takes two to tango.

Last time I checked a woman couldn’t get pregnant all by herself, she needs a penis. And as I have already stated – men have those. So why are women being punished for an act that involves a man? Why are women being publically slut shamed by politicians? Why does all of the responsibility for sex and now the aftermath of sex lie with the woman? It seems that you guys have forgotten that men are the ones getting us pregnant. And I checked. Nobody is calling men sluts. Nobody is trying to take away any of their rights. Nobody cares how many vaginas a penis sees in its years on this planet, or how many women just one penis gets pregnant.

These laws are not designed to protect an unborn fetus. These laws have nothing to do with abortion rights at all. These laws are all about control. Well let me tell you something, it isn’t going to work. We won’t stand for it. I don’t need a man telling me that I must have a baby. I don’t need lawmakers deciding what is, and what is not moral. I don’t need a bunch of old dudes wondering if women even know when they have been raped. I need you out of my body!

So, while you are FORCING doctors to do procedures that they find evasive in order to dissuade women from having abortions that YOU find immoral, I will scream. I will scream RAPE at you, sirs. For that is what you are doing. You lawmakers are raping me of my rights. You are forcing me to have procedures that are both unnecessary and unwanted. You are forcing me to do these things to obtain a procedure that is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS and a RIGHT of mine. So, I guess if we women are sluts, you lawmakers are all rapists. 

Don’t like being called names? Well, too bad. You started it. 

I am not a slut just because I have sex. 

I am not a slut if I choose to have an abortion.

Are you are a ‘rapist’ for forcing a woman to spread her legs for an invasive procedure that is neither necessary or wanted? 

Fuck you,

Alicia

PRIDE and Prejudice

Yesterday was the first (and hopefully annual) Prague Pride Festival. Thousands of people came out to celebrate, party and be a part of a day of acceptance and tolerance. I was one of them. I marched through the city center rubbing elbows with drag queens, bears and trannies wearing my DIY pink PRIDE tank top. Not since I lived in San Francisco have I had the opportunity to hang with such a great gay community.

The march was fun-filled and very peaceful. The people who came out to watch seemed to enjoy the colorful atmosphere. And how could you not? It was a parade of thousands of people who were SO happy to just be allowed to walk down the street without being called a name or be able to hold their partners hand. My male friends sported rainbow buttons and buttons that said “I heart Boys”. Hell, I was wearing a button that said “I heart My Penis”. Tranny Pride! Everyone got into the spirit of the event.

The march ended in a festival that hosted two stages, DJ’s, dancing and live music. I danced in the hot sun, drank a sangria and took some awesome pictures with the Leather Daddies. There were men, women, families, gays and straights all having a great time in the name of tolerance. The small spattering of rain didn’t stop anyone from celebrating.

Unfortunately, the only time I noticed intolerance was within my own circle of friends. One of my Czech friends came to the festival and their distaste for the event was evident. One can say they support gay rights – HUMAN RIGHTS – but words are cheap. My mom always told me that actions speak louder than words, and I think she might have been right. My friend not only refused to come into the festival, but they refused to wear a rainbow button, backing away from it as if it were fire. My friend also refused to a communal toast to “Yay for Gay Pride”. On a day of tolerance, how could one be so intolerant?

The Czech Republic has come a long way. I have lived here almost five years and I am happy to see that they are finally getting on board. Sure the politicians still have their heads up their very up tight asses, but they will come around. They will have to. And hopefully the new generation of Czechs will be more tolerant. I think they learn words like “deviant” and “immoral” from the parents and grandparents and never question the validity of what they learn. But it is time to start questioning and pushing. It is time to start actually BEING a tolerant society. I do it every day. I don’t particularly like that most Czech men don’t smell very good, most Czech people think of beer as the second coming, or that Czech people generally cheat and think it’s ok. I don’t like that when some straight people get married they think the world has to stop for them, but when a gay person wants to get married it infringes on their personal rights. I don’t like that people with kids think they have more rights than me just because they have kids. Yeah, I don’t like any of it. But you know what? I tolerate it because it’s none of my business.

I’m Too Sexy For This Job

I have often joked about the fact that I have had just about every job you can think of. I have been a waitress, a bartender, a “barista”, a cook, coffee server, sandwich maker, Phone girl at a pizza joint and even the girl who “seats” you at your table. (Billings party of six? Right this way.) I have been a receptionist, an Admin, a clerk, an assistant, an assistant to the admin (I still don’t know exactly what that was), and data entry specialist – i.e. you sit in a room with no windows and type information into a computer. I have sold clothes, books, fine pens and stationery, fancy invitations, pizza, coffee and food. I have been an employee, a manager, a co-manager and an “acting” manager. I have been a tour guide, a karaoke hostess, a teacher, a writer and a few other things I just cant remember. All of this to say: I have had PLENTY experience in the American work force.

In every one of these jobs there was “appearance guidelines”. Some places had strict dress codes: As a tour guide I had to wear a suit to work everyday. Some of the offices I worked in didn’t like women to wear “provocative” clothing or open toed shoes. The bookstore didn’t want its employees to have hair of an “unnatural” color, or tattoos. The pizza place gave me a uniform, and as a waitress I either wore the customary white shirt and black slacks, or the skin tight “please tip me because I have huge boobs” shirt. Some of these rules were for safety and others were just old rules from an old era. The idea was to look “professional” – whatever that means. But, when you work for someone else, you have to play by their rules. You learn to suck it up. Most of the time.

I recall two instances in particular where my looks (and clothing) were called into question. The first was when I worked for Nextel Communications. My job was to sit at a desk and wait for the phone to ring. When it did I would schedule people into training classes so that they could learn how to use their mobil phone. (I know. Seriously.) At any rate, I worked in a CLOSED office with no windows and I never saw a client face to face. I was therefor allowed to wear casual clothes. I usually wore jeans and a nice shirt, or a T-Shirt and sneakers. Oh, did I mention that I have big boobs? Yeah, well. One day I got called into the managers office due to a complaint about my clothing. A shirt was too low cut, or tight or something. Long story short – I was dressed completely within the dress code and they couldn’t do anything. Who complained? A WOMAN.

Jump ahead a few years to RICOH Business Systems. This time I am a receptionist. I am the front line. No problem. I can do business dress. And I do. But, on a casual work day, I wore a cute and stylish pair of capri’s. Yep. Called into the office – this time I am “too casual for a casual work day”. Who complained? THE WOMEN. Well, the next day I came to work in a tight skirt, 3 inch heels and a hot little top. I paraded around the office with the dress code in my hot little hand. Fuck ’em.

The way I see it, a woman just can’t win in corporate America. You can’t get a job in the first place if you are not good looking enough. Then, once you have the job THIS happens to you. I honestly couldn’t believe this when I read it. It is discrimination, and it is just plain unfair. A woman is damed if she dresses down, and she is damed if she dresses up. Holding women responsible for the way men react to their appearance is just absurd. I mean really think about this conversation:

“SMITH! Why isn’t your report done?”
“I was working on it sir, but I was just to darn distracted by Jennings. She is so attractive.”
“You are right she sure is. I’ll tell her to tone it down so you can get your work done on time.”
“I would really appreciate that. Thanks sir.”

WHAT THE FUCK!? The correct response would be:

“Did you just say you were to distracted to do your work?”
“…Um…”
“Either get your work done or I am giving it to Jennings.”

And while were at it – Ladies? When you see a hot chick at your office, try to take the high road and just let her be hot. She’s not being hot just to make you feel bad about your huge ass. She probably can’t help the hotness. If you feel her outfits are not appropriate for the work place, ask yourself this: If I had that body, would I still be wearing this turtleneck and jumper? Probably not. Let’s try to put a stop to woman/woman hate in the workplace. I mean I never once complained to the boss about the ugly Christmas sweaters I had to endure during the Christmas season. I never complained because my co-worker with small boobs wasn’t wearing a bra. Let’s put an end to talking trash about each other and vow support each other …

in being hot.