I look forward to football season about as much as I look forward to visiting the DMV, or renewing my Visa. I fucking loathe American football. Knowing that football season has begun its long and painful journey of 256 games makes me want to crawl under a rock until mid January. I like sports in general, and I love sports movies, but I can’t stand watching sports on TV. Especially football. How can people enjoy the NFL when they KNOW the NFL are liers and money grubbing assholes? Because Football Fans don’t care if players are getting hurt or getting brain disease caused by concussions! Because FOOTBALLLLLLL! … Don’t get me started on fans. Fans ruin everything for everyone.
- Americans insist on calling it “Football”. In a game that asks you to throw the ball, catch the ball, and run holding the ball, it amazes me that we still insist on calling it FOOTball. As for as the rest of the world is concerned – football means soccer. Shouldn’t we just hop on board? I mean the rest of the world uses the metric system and says soccer – we need to learn to just go with the flow.
- Live games suck. The last time I attended an American Football game I decided it would be my last. Ever. Maybe there are people out there that enjoy overpriced BudLite, and over priced nachos. Maybe there are people who don’t mind being sandwiched between the face painted dude and the overly aggressive woman who acts like the face painted dude. Maybe there are people who don’t mind huge crowds of grown frat guys. I saw one dude punch another dude because he was wearing the opposing teams colors. Seriously. Grow up.
- “Football is my passion. I love football”. Yeah, I had someone tell me that once. We’ve since divorced, but I still think about that statement when football season rolls around. I’ll tell you what I told him – If you really love football, if football is truly your passion, then stop watching other people do it. Get out there and play. But I guess playing actual football isn’t the same as playing it on your game system. Just admit it, you don’t love football. You love getting drunk while watching other people do athletic things.
- Bars stop being fun. Anyone who has tried to have a good time at a bar when a football game is on knows what I am talking about. Bars should have designated safe rooms (panic rooms!) for people who are there to have a good time sans sports. And don’t tell me to just go to another bar. I’ve tried. I’ve been to many bars during football seasons and inevitably some asshole and his friends come in demanding to watch The Big Game. Go watch at home, asshole. Annoy your wife and family. They signed up for you, I didn’t.
- The “WE” factor. This irritates me to no end. Have you ever listened to someone talk about “Their” team? My team won. My team is going to the finals. It’s all “we” and “us” when the team in question is winning, but when the tide turns so does the language. It goes from WE to THEY real quick. WE won. THEY lost. The main point to understand here is that there really isn’t any “we”. No matter how much you love a team, your love and dedication won’t make you a part of the team. You are not playing. You are not winning. You are watching other men play and win and make money for doing it.
- The NFL is an EVIL corporation who lets their employees get sick and die. Seriously. Brain damage since the 1970’s and they don’t give a shit. They cover it up. They lie. You know, what they do every time one of the players hits a woman or kills someone. And yeah, it’s happened more than once. What other multimillion dollar company would not only allow it, but cover it up and encourage more? THE FUCKING EVIL NFL. Thats who. Read this awesome little article and learn more.
That’s all I’ll say on the matter. I don’t want to fight about it, and I certainly am not interested in hearing people defend football, or the watching of it. If that is how you want to spend your free time – go for it. Enjoy your crap beer and your foam cheese head. Just try to do it a little more politely. Just because the team you like is winning doesn’t give you the right to act a fool.