I know How Cersei Feels

N7r29SbI try, on occasion to think about the kind of person for whom Game of Thrones is a deeply personal show. You know, nerdy types who value loyalty to the books above anything else. These are the people who spend hours online arguing because, Brienne was would have never told Podric to leave, and in fact was always quite polite to him! Whatever. In Game of Thrones death and dishonour come swiftly and often. And usually when you least expect it. It gives me The Feels when a character I like (and hope will survive) gets euthanized by George R.R. Martin. Watching my favorite hottie get stabbed in the gut a dozen times makes me feel sad. But watching the bad guy get it makes me feel happy. At least it should.

How long have I waited to see Cersei get what’s coming to her? A really long time. She is an awful human being who deserves everything she gets, and probably more. She likes killing people, torturing them, manipulating them, and fucking her own brother. And, she makes really bad decisions that usually end up biting her in the ass. That’s pretty much all you need to know about her. In the season 5 finale, Cersei is completely humiliated in front of the entire kingdom (stripped naked, hair sliced off with a razor for that I just had a bit of Lice look) and paraded through the town while a woman with a triangle, shouts “SHAME!” every five seconds from over her shoulder. This is the moment fans of the show have been waiting for. I should have been cheering. But I wasn’t. I felt bad for her. Why?

Before watching GoT, I logged on to my blog and found a comment waiting for me. I should know better, but I read it anyway. For every comment I get that is positive, I get eight that are mean. It was someone from Texas. Again. Texans are still raging because of an opinion piece I wrote about living in Austin. Two years ago. And I am still getting RUDE comments from Texans. The comment, which I am paraphrasing, went something like this:

“Alicia. Fuck off and die and go back to CA you dick addicted whore. Cunt. Fuck you, you trust fund, bitch hippie.”

I read the shitty comment and deleted it like I always do. I thought, “Nice try fucker! That’s never going to see the light of day.” And I would have forgotten all about it, like water off a ducks back. But, as I watched Cersei Lannister get what was coming to her, I felt a sense of kinship with her. I realized that folks yell the same things at me… online. The townspeople spat in her face. They called her a whore and a liar and a cunt. They screamed “SLUT!” at her and threw shit in her face. A man jumped in her path, naked, and shook his dick at her while screaming, “You can suck my cock!” Or something to that effect. She walked all the way through the narrow streets, enduring all of it because she had no other choice.

1434336782-cersei-mountain-game-of-thrones-finaleOkay… Ready? Here comes my theory. What you watched on the Game of Thrones season 5 finale was a great metaphor for what it feels like to be a female online. We get shamed. We get called horrific things. And it is humiliating. A woman should be able to go online and write, speak her opinion, without someone commenting on her looks or calling her a whore. Or worse. Every time I log on I am subjected to slander and misogynistic treatment. I’m sure this piece will piss somebody off and it will start all over again. If you are a woman and you choose to write something and post  it online you are agreeing to mistreatment. There is nothing you can do to stop it. Those cowardly assholes hide behind their keyboards and are protected by anonymity. The only protection us ladies have is to ignore them, or be vocal. Ignoring doesn’t solve the problem. They always figure out a way to get through. And being vocal just pisses them off more. Right, Anita Sarkeesian?

We just need a huge Franken-Warrior to protect us. Just like Cersei.

I Hate Sex and the City

My relationship with Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha started out promising enough. I, like many other women was happy to see smart, sexy, pretty, employed and SINGLE women represented on television. I was pleased to see a show where women talked and joked about dating and men in a somewhat realistic way. My friends and I had nick-named our past boyfriends, shared more than one cocktail or ice cream marathon over a jerk and even walked each other though weddings and divorces. Up until SatC the single women on television were limited to Bea Arthur and her pals on The Golden Girls, or the schizophrenic ramblings of the likes of Allie McBeal. Neither category was a flattering match for a woman who still has all her own teeth and all of her marbles.

Then along came Sex and the City. Suddenly women all over the world were aligning themselves with one of the characters on the show and ordering Cosmopolitans by the gallons. As I have finally watched every season of the show, and seen the movie of the same name – it occurred to me. Are women being manipulated by Sex and the City?

Somewhere about season four I started noticing something. Ads. Not outright commercials, but ads made into actual story lines. Pretty slick! Samantha gets her boyfriend a modeling gig for a brand name Vodka – which is featured on the show. Suddenly Carrie is eating McDonald’s with her new beau. Miranda’s life almost implodes because of her addiction to TiVo. Carrie has coffe at a Starbucks while typing on her MAC, and the shoes!…it goes on and on. When you sit back and realize what one little show did for a pretty pink cocktail – think what it could do for a hamburger. This series has spawned a culture of women who will buy anything.

Aside from the sneaky brainwashing, I was overtly pissed off at the movie. If you ask any group of women friends I bet you will find that they have all played some sort of variation of the “Sex and the City” game. Basically this entails a small group of women all trying to figure out which of the characters they most resemble and fighting over who gets to be the ever stylish, freakishly self centered, neurotic, Manolo Blahnik-ed Carrie Bradshaw. I have had actual arguments with friends who were offended because we thought they were Charlotte. Not everyone gets to be Carrie, and after I saw the movie I didn’t want to be.

Sex and the City is just one of the most recent victims of a new, not so fashionable trend in film and television. Marriage as the answer. In the past few years there have been more and more films dedicated to the idea of a woman who wants to get married. This seasons hottest accessory? A husband. It’s disgusting. Did anyone see that horrible Katherine Heigle vehicle “27 Dresses”? She plays an assistant (of course) who for some reason can’t find a date much less a husband. She wants a wedding so badly that she collects other peoples weddings. Welcome to the year 2009 where women are sophisticated and above obsessing about the perfect wedding…oh wait. In this movie all the women are stupid. Why are women in movies today throwing away their dignity (and in Heigle’s case) their personalities for a man?

Sex and the City has succumbed to the overpowering drone of the wedding march. And that pisses me off. I just recently finished watching the entire series from start to finish and that was not the direction of the ship I boarded! The theme of the show was – “it’s okay to be single, you have girl friends”. Sure Carrie was always looking for true love, but she also ENJOYED being single! She liked sleeping alone, coming home to an empty apartment and all of her quirky “single” habits. And it was okay! It didn’t make her weird or stupid. It was just her choice. So, what happened?

Not to spoil the movie for you, but if you haven’t seen it by now then just get over it. How the hell did they manage to marry off 3 out of 4 of them? And Carrie is one of them! I was really disappointed. I felt the whole integrity of the show was lost among wedding bells and designer gowns. Having Carrie marry Big betrayed not only her character on the show, but also the essence of the show. I think Carrie and Big could have been happy living together ala Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins or Kurt and Goldie. It seemed forced and wrong for them to tie the knot. By the end of the film, the only character who held true to herself was the prowling “cougar” Samantha. And, where was the SEX part? The men were not even characters in the film. I guess in the SatC world, once you get the guy and fuck him enough to propose and pay for the elaborate wedding he ceases to matter very much. I would have rather seen a movie about Steve’s affair or Harry…just being Harry. I like them a lot more than I ended up liking Carrie.

I guess the reason I am writing this, on my very own MAC computer, with my very own clever voice over – is that I want us women to want for more. Let’s be our own role models. Who needs a Carrie or a Miranda when there could be a YOU? It took me a while, but I realized that I am just as clever, sassy, stylish and sexy as any of those HBO ladies. Sure its fun to watch, but I think women took it a little too far. These are characters on a TV show in a New York City that doesn’t really exist.

So, next time your friends start asking you which Sex and the City character are you I hope you remember this. Samantha isn’t “liberated” she is a guy in a dress. Miranda is just a cynical Lawyer…in a dress. Charlotte is just…a dress. And Carrie? Well, she is just a lot of shallow and insipid questions wearing some very expensive shoes.