Fame Costs

I love Chelsea Handler. I am late to the party on this, I know. People have been loving her for years, and I just started. Her new show on Netflix is BADASSfame_quote, and I completely agree with her on everything from NOT HAVING KIDS to NOT GETTING MARRIED. Honestly I think she and I could be friends except for her obsession with dogs. But, we all have our faults.

Her show is great with one exception: When her niece is on. For someone who is constantly telling everyone how obnoxious other people are about their kids, (PREACH!) she’s doing the same thing with her niece. She has her on often, and the kid is annoying. REALLY ANNOYING. The kind of kid who is only adorable to their family…like all kids. She is twelve (I think) and says she wants to be “well-known” when she grows up. She doesn’t really care how or what for, she just wants to be famous. SO NOT CUTE.

Being famous for the sake of being famous is… weird. And gross. When I was coming up you had to actually have a talent in order to get famous. Well, a talent or a scandal. But that is a horse of a different color and I digress. I bet it’s confusing for kids today. I mean, Chelsea Handler seemed to work hard and pay her dues. But there are so many “models” out there and … whatever the Kardashians are, who make being pretty sound like a talent. It isn’t. Modeling is (barely) a job, and you are lucky if you can earn a living at it. Lucky, not talented. Maybe it takes some sort of talent to model, but not the same kind as it does to act or sing or dance or sew or cook or design or direct or teach or write.

If you look at the social media of any famous pretty person you’ll see all of the “hard work” that goes into being famous for being pretty. I call bullshit. Nobody NEEDS a cryogenic freezing chamber to be pretty. And, I’m pretty sure Kate Hudson was just as pretty BEFORE her weird electro-eye treatment as she was AFTER. It’s all bullshit. All of it. The worst are the selfies from the gym. Is this supposed to show me what an effort it is for you? Tips? What? I mean really. How shallow are you that you need to post videos of your workouts? If you want to lose my respect, just post a video or a selfie from the gym.

I guess what I am trying to say is this: Shift focus. Focus on what is INSIDE. Perhaps learn a SKILL and “get famous” for actually DOING something. And here’s a crazy idea, don’t post everything to social media! You don’t need applause or LIKES for living your life. You’ll keep living even if nobody sees it. The more we encourage kids (especially girls) to “look pretty” the longer we perpetuate the myth that beauty matters; that beauty is something you can achieve. It isn’t. Nothing subjective can ever be achieved. You will never be beautiful to everyone. Sorry to burst your bubble. Sure you can have surgery, use make-up, weaves, extensions… but you will still be you underneath all of those excuses. Instead, work on being YOU. Work on thinking you ARE beautiful just the way you are. And if you STILL want to be famous, figure out what you are good at DOING and practice it. You can be famous and perhaps be remembered for something other than your face. Cause guess what… your face won’t last forever.



Did you hear of this new show? It’s called Bridalplasty. The idea is to have women compete in various competitions and challenges (read: humiliations) in order to win the grand prize of FULL BODY PLASTIC SURGERY for an upcoming wedding. “Reality” TV has now sunk so low it has made pulp out of our collective souls. I remember the ill-fated, and equally disgusting program called “The Swan” where they took ugly women and gave them the gift of beauty through any means possible. This show makes “The Swan” look like Saturday morning cartoons.

I would like to think that the super geniuses behind this show had a deep level of parody and a concept of irony and satire when they came up with this gem. And maybe they did. But the fact remains that the contestants and the folks who WILL watch it do not. These women (some of whom are a size 0) are forced to live all together and compete for the “prize”. There will be the typical backstabbing, cat fighting and name calling that usually goes with shows like these. And if that weren’t enough, these “ladies” are all Brides, so we get to have the Bride-zilla stereotype thrown in for good measure. It is a nice mirror on the American fascination and financial backing of the wedding industry. That’s right INDUSTRY.

I am offended and mostly saddened that there are women out there who would go on a show like this. If it is purely for fame, then she is a moron. If it is because she feels the need to look “perfect” on her wedding day, then she is an idiot. If perfection really exists do you really think you can find it on a television game show? Probably not. I mean, I have come close to seeing perfection a couple of times on The Price is Right, but that show has a showcase showdown and Bob Barker.

I had braces as a kid to correct my over bite and for me, that’s as far as I ever want to go. I don’t think I am perfect – far from it – but I don’t think I am THAT flawed either. I don’t wear a lot of make-up (on those days that I actually DO wear make-up) and I don’t workout regularly (or at all). I dye my hair at home and I put moisturizer on my face in the winter. But, more important than my shoddy and half ass beauty regime is my mental regime. I write everyday. I read everyday. I go to work and support myself everyday, and I surround myself with people who think I am a pretty solid and awesome person. I have passions that I indulge regularly and that make me a better person and I strive to be better at everything I do – almost everyday.

I think there should be a show that has women compete for an awesome mental make-over. They live all together and do competitions. The lady who is a single mom gets tips from the lady who has three kids and lots of help. The overweight chick befriends the personal trainer and the personal trainer finally gets the balls to go finish that degree. They learn that make-up is not a part of WHO you are and they learn that scalpels are only tools of necessary surgery.

Unfortunately, Bridalplasy does not offer mental make-overs for life. Just superficial ones for silly women fantasising about big white dresses.

Plastic Parts Are Made For Toys

I have always adored Barbie. As a little girl, I enjoyed dressing her up to go on dates with Darth Vader and a sepia toned John Wayne torso. (My mom refused to buy me a KEN doll, so I used what was available resulting in either pity dates with the quadriplegic or risking a turn to the Dark side with Lord Vader.) I loved her stiletto heels and her glamourous clothes. I loved her long blond hair and the tiny brush that came in the box. I adored “My First Barbie” because she had slick arms and legs which made for easier costume changes. Of course I went through the rebilious stage and cut all of the hair off one of my Barbie Doll, and then painted her head with nail polish. She was the “Punk” Barbie. (sigh)

As I got older, I still collected Barbie Dolls. I collected the Barbies of the World, and the ones dressed as film characters – like Sandy from the end of Grease, or Marilyn Monroe or Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. I kept them in their original boxes and never played with them, like a good little nerd. And I’ll tell ya – it was really, REALLY hard not to play with the Bob Mackie Cher Doll.

But as much as I have always loved Barbie, I never once wanted to BE her. For one thing, Barbie is tall and long legged. I am a midget with stubby, but HOT gams. Barbie has a slender figure and I, as I have been told, have a huge ass. And of course, Barbie never ages. How could she? She is a toy, a plastic fashion doll. What little girl would want to dress up a 51 year old doll?

Joan-Rivers-Plastic-Surgery-Before-and-AfterThe irony here is that there are millions of 51 year old women trying to look like Barbie, and the results are down right frightening. Take Joan Rivers for example – the woman bares no resemblance to herself, or any other human being anymore. She looks shiny and freakish. Donatella Versace is grotesque, and poor Melanie Griffith is just sad looking.

But why? Why do women do this? Are we so scared of aging that we have to turn to these extremes? I hope not. Because honestly, if you look at any man or woman who has had extensive plastic surgery, it just makes them look older. Even if you get the new boobs, the eye lift, the face lift, and what ever else – you are still going to have saggy elbows and a birthday every year. You get older and there is nothing wrong with that.

To illustrate my point I would like to point out some drop dead GORGEOUS women who have chosen to age naturally. I think that these women (all aged 50 and up) are far more beautiful than these plastic starletts trying to become something that you cannot place to close to a heater. So take head my friends: Beauty is only skin deep – and you any get so much skin.

Meryl Streep – age 50

Iman – age 54

Jaclyn Smith – age 50

Angelica Huston – age 58

Holly Hunter – 50

Susan Sarandon