I know How Cersei Feels

N7r29SbI try, on occasion to think about the kind of person for whom Game of Thrones is a deeply personal show. You know, nerdy types who value loyalty to the books above anything else. These are the people who spend hours online arguing because, Brienne was would have never told Podric to leave, and in fact was always quite polite to him! Whatever. In Game of Thrones death and dishonour come swiftly and often. And usually when you least expect it. It gives me The Feels when a character I like (and hope will survive) gets euthanized by George R.R. Martin. Watching my favorite hottie get stabbed in the gut a dozen times makes me feel sad. But watching the bad guy get it makes me feel happy. At least it should.

How long have I waited to see Cersei get what’s coming to her? A really long time. She is an awful human being who deserves everything she gets, and probably more. She likes killing people, torturing them, manipulating them, and fucking her own brother. And, she makes really bad decisions that usually end up biting her in the ass. That’s pretty much all you need to know about her. In the season 5 finale, Cersei is completely humiliated in front of the entire kingdom (stripped naked, hair sliced off with a razor for that I just had a bit of Lice look) and paraded through the town while a woman with a triangle, shouts “SHAME!” every five seconds from over her shoulder. This is the moment fans of the show have been waiting for. I should have been cheering. But I wasn’t. I felt bad for her. Why?

Before watching GoT, I logged on to my blog and found a comment waiting for me. I should know better, but I read it anyway. For every comment I get that is positive, I get eight that are mean. It was someone from Texas. Again. Texans are still raging because of an opinion piece I wrote about living in Austin. Two years ago. And I am still getting RUDE comments from Texans. The comment, which I am paraphrasing, went something like this:

“Alicia. Fuck off and die and go back to CA you dick addicted whore. Cunt. Fuck you, you trust fund, bitch hippie.”

I read the shitty comment and deleted it like I always do. I thought, “Nice try fucker! That’s never going to see the light of day.” And I would have forgotten all about it, like water off a ducks back. But, as I watched Cersei Lannister get what was coming to her, I felt a sense of kinship with her. I realized that folks yell the same things at me… online. The townspeople spat in her face. They called her a whore and a liar and a cunt. They screamed “SLUT!” at her and threw shit in her face. A man jumped in her path, naked, and shook his dick at her while screaming, “You can suck my cock!” Or something to that effect. She walked all the way through the narrow streets, enduring all of it because she had no other choice.

1434336782-cersei-mountain-game-of-thrones-finaleOkay… Ready? Here comes my theory. What you watched on the Game of Thrones season 5 finale was a great metaphor for what it feels like to be a female online. We get shamed. We get called horrific things. And it is humiliating. A woman should be able to go online and write, speak her opinion, without someone commenting on her looks or calling her a whore. Or worse. Every time I log on I am subjected to slander and misogynistic treatment. I’m sure this piece will piss somebody off and it will start all over again. If you are a woman and you choose to write something and post  it online you are agreeing to mistreatment. There is nothing you can do to stop it. Those cowardly assholes hide behind their keyboards and are protected by anonymity. The only protection us ladies have is to ignore them, or be vocal. Ignoring doesn’t solve the problem. They always figure out a way to get through. And being vocal just pisses them off more. Right, Anita Sarkeesian?

We just need a huge Franken-Warrior to protect us. Just like Cersei.

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5 TIRED Halloween Costumes, and What to Wear Instead

Do you really want to be part of this group?

Do you really want to be part of this group?

We’ve all been there. You walk into a Halloween party and see an ocean of Jokers, a sea of “sexy devils”, and a smattering of pirates. Yawn. If you are going to take the time to get dressed up for Halloween, then do the rest of us a favor and at least try to be original. Here are the top five costumes I DON’T want to see this year and what to try instead.

  1. Khaleesi (from Game of Thrones) – Actually, anything from GoT. It is SO played out. Let’s leave that to the CosPlayers, shall we? My rule of thumb is: If you can buy it as a prepackaged costume, then don’t do it. You can be anything you want and you want to be the same thing as 100 other women? Boring. Every woman who thinks she has a great bod will try to rock this costume. INSTEAD: Go as Anne Boleyn… Holding her own Head! You still get to dress all medieval, but you’ll be original, scary, and worth the time.
  2. “Twerk” Miley Cyrus
    Prepackaged!

    Prepackaged!

    Twerk Miley is going to be this year’s Gangnam Style. Don’t do it. INSTEAD: Go as Zombie Hannah Montana. Miley is trying to kill “Hannah Montana” so why not help out?

  3. Downton Abbey – I love the show as much as the next guy, but loving the show doesn’t make it a good costume choice. Every time I’ve seen a “Downton Abbey” costume I’ve had to ask “Who are you?” For me, that is the sign of a Costume Fail. If your costume isn’t instantly recognizable – it doesn’t work. INSTEAD: Go as Mary Poppins. You still get to be British, you still get to be a maid, but with this outfit people will instantly recognize you. And you can pretend to fly.
  4. “Sexy” Anything

    Please. Don’t. Some things are not supposed to be sexy. Things like Elmo, food, Nemo, Alien, Ewoks, Smurfs, Big Bird… you get the point. INSTEAD: Be scary. Try being a slaughtered Smurf, or Psycho Big Bird. Be Alien or Nemo without being “sexy”. If you got your “costume” at Victoria’s Secret or a place called trashy.com, you FAILED.

  5. Breaking Bad – Again, you’ll be one of ten dozen Walter Whites at the party. How cool. INSTEAD: Grab a buddy and go as “Faces of Meth“. One before, and one after. You could even make a cardboard frame for your faces. It’d be super cool, and way more creative and fun than a Hazmat costume.